如何解决恋爱难题？首先你得先爱你自己！.

　　A relationship consultant, as fancy as the title may sound, is actually one of the most negative and stressful jobs.

　　感情顾问，就如这个头衔听起来一样，事实上是最消极、压力最大的工作之一。

　　One of my male friends recently started working as a relationship coach. His clients are mainly well-educated women aged over 27, also known in China as "ltover women." They see him to learn how to overcome their emotional blocks and how to be a total "man magnet."

　　我的一个男性朋友最近开始成为一名感情顾问。他的客户主要是27岁以上受过良好教育的女性，在中国也被称之为“剩女”。她们接受他的指导、学习如何克服自己的感情障碍，并成为男人眼中完美的“万人迷”。

　　"It is actually a very demanding and stressful job," my friend confessed. His clients call or text him 24/7, telling him stories of how they’ve been rejected and feel like a loser.

　　我朋友承认：“这实际上是一个非常苛刻、压力很大的工作。”他的客户们每天24小时、每周7天不定时地会给他打电话或者发短信，告诉他自己怎么又被拒绝了、感觉自己像个失败者。

　　Unlike many professional relationship consultants in the West, who have a minimum of a master’s degree in mental health or psychology, my friend has no professional certificates. He is what we call a very good listener. But isn’t that what all women want? To be listened to and understood.

　　和西方许多专业的感情顾问不同，他们最低都拥有心理健康或心理学方面的硕士学位，我朋友没有专业证书。我们认为他是一个好的倾听者。但这不就是所有女人所想要的吗?被倾听、被理解。

　　Even though he is not a professional, the market for relationship consultants for single women is huge in China, as many "ltover women" are under tremendous pressure to get married.

　　虽然他不是专业人士，但在中国为单身女性服务的感情顾问市场非常巨大，因为许多“剩女”都有巨大的结婚压力。

　　In the name of research, I attended some training classes that promised to help women date a millionaire. The first thing the teacher taught us was how to spot a millionaire. It makes sense, right? Then we were taught how to attract rich men and how to be an elegant yet provocative lady. I gave up after a week.

　　以研究的名义，我曾经参加了一些承诺帮助女性和土豪交往的培训课程。老师交给我们的第一件事就是怎么发现一只土豪。听起来很有道理，不是吗?后来老师教我们怎么把土豪钓上手、怎么成为一名优雅而又具有挑衅性的淑女。一周后我就放弃了…

　　The next day, the coach called.

　　第二天，老师就给我打电话了。

　　"Your attitude is wrong," she said. "You should be more provocative. Come and sign up for the second class."

　　她说：“你的态度是错误的，你应该更有挑衅性一些。来报名上第二堂课吧。”

　　I hung up on her.

　　我挂了她的电话。

　　Of course, not everyone can be a relationship consultant. What makes my friend different is, instead of teaching women how to find love, he teaches them how to love themselves.

　　当然，并不是每一个人都能成为感情顾问。让我朋友与众不同的是，他不是教女人们如何寻找爱，而是教她们怎么爱自己。

　　"Learn to love yourself first," he said. "Be yourself. Be confident. That’s the man magnet."

　　他说道：“首先你得学会爱你自己。保持你原有的样子、自信一些，那才是万人迷该有的样子。”

　　A 39-year-old client of his was too shy, so he gave her an assignment to practice talking to strangers on the bus, in a market or a coffee shop.

　　他一位39岁的客户实在是太害羞了，所以他给了她一个任务--在公共汽车、菜市场和咖啡馆里和陌生人交谈。

　　Honestly, "ltover women" are lovable. They are well-educated. They can keep an intellectual conversation going. They are also incredibly interesting, as a lot of them have traveled to many exotic places and have friends from all over the world. They are strong and independent, and they don’t crave attention and compliments. But many of them suffer from insecurity and self-doubt because people around them keep telling them they are not desirable.

　　老实说，“剩女”很可爱。她们都受过良好的教育，可以维持一个知识水平很高的谈话继续进行下去。她们也令人难以置信地有趣，因为她们许多都曾经去过具有异国情调的地方、好友遍布世界各地。她们坚强独立，她们不渴望关注和赞美。但是她们许多人都忍受着不安全感和自我怀疑，因为她们周围的人不断告诉她们没人要。

　　What these women need to learn is not how to pretend to be someone they are not, but how to be themselves. They need someone to tell them it is totally OK if they don’t have a hot body and a beautiful face, just let their awesome personality shine through. They also need someone to tell them to stop wearing 365 layers of makeup. They should work on their confidence and catch a guy with their natural charm.

　　这些女人需要学习的不是如何假装成自己不是的那一类人，而是学习作何做自己。她们需要有人来告诉她们，即使自己没有热辣的身材和姣好的面容也完全没问题，只需要发扬她们好的性格即可。她们还需要有人来告诉她们不要再用化妆来掩盖自己。她们应该增强自信，用自己自然的魅力来俘获一个男票。

　　Maybe we should send men to some classes to teach them how to respect and appreciate "ltover women."

　　也许我们应该把男人们发配上课，教他们如何尊重和欣赏“剩女”。