印度官员创立婚恋网站 助艾滋病感染者成婚者.

　　印度官员创立婚恋网站 助艾滋病感染者成婚者

　　A unique Indian wedding website for HIV positive people

　　As Nisha looked at the syringe filling up with her blood, little did she know that the needle inserted in her vein was also drawing out her hope and dignity.

　　A pregnant Nisha was at a hospital in Parbhani, in the western Indian state of Maharashtra, for a routine blood test. But her world came crashing down when she learnt she was HIV positive.

　　The test results of her husband confirmed her suspicion that she had contracted the virus from him. Yet, it was she who was blamed for their condition and thrown out of the house. Her worst fears came true when her son was born HIV positive.

　　After her husband divorced her, she says she lost her will to live.

　　"I wanted to kill my son and myself," she says. "I wanted to remarry but didn&apost know how to find an HIV positive partner."

　　A few years into her ordeal, she came to know about PositiveSaathi.com, a free matrimonial website for HIV positive people. Saathi is the Hindi word for friend or partner.

　　Today, Nisha, 42, leads a normal life, having found an HIV positive husband from Kolhapur to support her and her 11-year-old son. "The site came as a ray of hope in my darkest hour," she says.

　　That sentiment is shared by the more than 5,000 HIV positive people registered with the website. And they all have Anil Valiv to thank for bringing them back from the brink.

　　Mr Valiv, 43, who founded PositiveSaathi.com in 2006, is a government officer with a passion for social work.

　　&aposDifficult&apos

　　Despite his demanding job in the transport department, he makes time to help those rendered lonely by the dreaded infection to find support and companionship.

　　During an earlier stint in Latur town, Mr Valiv started HIV tests for truck drivers, among those most at risk from HIV-Aids.

　　He says a doctor once told him about an HIV positive man who was desperate to get married.

　　"He told the doctor that if he didn&apost find an HIV positive match soon, he would marry a healthy woman without revealing his HIV status. The doctor was in a dilemma. That made me realise how difficult it was for such people to find a spouse."

　　Mr Valiv had also seen a close friend, who had contracted the virus in the early 1990s, waste away in pain, suffering and isolation.

　　"He was shunned by his own family. I cannot forget the longing in his eyes for a family and children. Such is the stigma attached to the infection that when he died in 2006, his father rused to light his pyre at his sparsely attended funeral."

　　HIV positive people are ostracised and treated inhumanely, he says, but they need help and support. "If their emotional and physical needs are unmet, they can end up spreading the infection."

　　Matrimonial meetings

　　Nearly two-thirds of those registered with his website are from rural areas. That is remarkable considering internet access in Indian villages is poor. Around 250 of those registered are Indians living abroad.

　　To bring HIV positive people together, Mr Valiv has also organised nearly a dozen "matrimonial meetings" for them.

　　Ramesh Dhongde, a 43-year-old rickshaw driver in Pune, is among the hundreds who have attended these meetings in search of hope and love.

　　When Mr Dhongde learnt 11 years ago that he had contracted the virus from his now dead wife, he thought it was the end of the road for him. He was most worried about the future of his only daughter.

　　Then, at a meeting organised by Mr Valiv two years ago, he met his current wife, a 33-year-old divorcee who works in a women&aposs co-operative. "Returning to a normal married life has restored my confidence to fight the disease," he says.

　　To spread the word about these meetings, Mr Valiv prints posters with his own money and puts them up in public places.

　　"At the first meeting held in a hospital in Solapur, I anticipated about 300 people and arranged for their breakfast and lunch. Barely 40 came and all the food had to be distributed among the hospital&aposs poor patients."

　　But the participation improved once he began collaborating with some non-governmental organisations.

　　When he saw that men far outnumbered women at such meetings, he offered to pay the latter&aposs travel costs. He has already spent tens of thousands of rupees from his own pocket, but is happy that the participation of women has doubled.

　　He says since most participants walk in riddled with guilt and despair, it takes some fort to get them to open up.

　　Another problem is that despite being HIV positive, most of them insist on a match from their own caste.

　　"The caste consideration is strong also because many of them do not reveal their HIV status to their families, who keep putting pressure on them to get married," he says.

　　Women with children are not readily prerred, more so if they have daughters.

　　Changing lives

　　"My role is that of a facilitator," Mr Valiv says. "People connect through the website or during a matrimonial meeting, and then interact directly."

　　This makes it difficult for him to say the exact number of marriages he has helped arrange.

　　But based on the thank you messages and updates on the website, he believes that number to be between 200 and 400, some involving Indians living in Singapore, United Kingdom, Germany and elsewhere.

　　His biggest success perhaps was in 2010 when 22 people got married in one day at a meeting in Pune.

　　One of them was Lata, a health worker.

　　She was devastated when she lost her first husband to HIV in 2002. She too was diagnosed as HIV positive when she was only 26. Although her son Ravi, then a little over a year old, was HIV negative, she felt broken.

　　Lata brought Ravi to the meeting and there they met Vijay. A year older than her, Vijay had lost his wife to HIV and had himself been living with the virus for over 12 years.

　　They now have a two-year-old son Rishi, who too is HIV negative. "Our sons have made our lives worth living," says an emotional Lata.

　　Mr Valiv says nearly two dozen couples that he helped get married have had healthy children.

　　As the popularity of his website has increased, friends, well-wishers and organisations devoted to similar causes have offered help.

　　Mr Valiv is also using the website to bring together donors and NGOs interested in supporting HIV positive orphans.

　　"HIV," he says, "should not come in the way of one&aposs right to dream."

　　在针头插进血管的那一刻，妮莎没有意识到，被抽走的不仅是她的血液，还有她的尊严和希望。

　　当时，身怀六甲的妮莎正在印度西部马哈拉施特拉邦的一家医院里接受常规血液检查。当她得知自己被检测出HIV(艾滋病毒)抗体呈阳性时，她整个人呆住了，感觉像天塌了一样。尽管事实证明她是从丈夫处感染了艾滋病毒，但她却被赶出家门、独自承担一切责备和辱骂。然而，最糟糕的是，她的儿子也被感染了。

　　“我想杀了儿子然后自杀。”离婚后，妮莎一度陷入绝望，“我想再婚，但我不知道去哪里才能找到一个同样患有艾滋病的伴侣。”孤独熬过几年之后，妮莎在一个名为“阳性伴侣”(PositiveSaathi)的网站上找到了新生。

　　这是一个为艾滋病感染者提供免费交友婚恋服务的网站。“在我生命中最黑暗的时刻，它给我带来了一缕希望之光。”通过“阳性伴侣”网站，妮莎找到一名艾滋病男性患者再婚了。现在，他们一家三口重新过上了幸福的正常生活。

　　妮莎是“阳性伴侣”网站5000多名注册用户中的普通一员，对于病痛带来的歧视和孤独，他们被迫接受却又奋力挣脱。2006年，阿尼尔·瓦里吾创办了“阳性伴侣”网站，把艾滋病患者这个特殊群体从悬崖边拉了回来。

　　***伴侣难寻

　　现年43岁的瓦里吾是一位印度政府官员，尽管在交通部门工作，但他总是挤出时间去帮助遭到孤立和隔绝的艾滋病患者。

　　此前，瓦里吾曾协助医生为卡车司机等艾滋病感染高危人群进行检测。期间，他接触了一名极其渴望结婚的艾滋病患者。“他说如果无法在短时间内找到一个同样患有艾滋病的伴侣，就只能隐瞒病情与健康的女性结婚了。这让我意识到，对于这个群体，找一个伴侣是多么困难。”

　　瓦里吾称，在印度，艾滋病患者会遭到排斥，甚至遭受非人道对待，所以他们需要帮助和支持，“假如他们的情感和生理需求无法得到满足，可能会被迫传播艾滋病毒”。

　　***特殊的“相亲会”

　　据统计，“阳性伴侣”网站近2/3的注册用户来自农村地区。鉴于印度农村网络设备匮乏，这一占比极不寻常。此外，还有大约250人是居住在海外的印度人。

　　为了把这群特殊的寻偶者聚集在一起，瓦里吾自掏腰包举办了近12场“相亲会”。“走进会场时，他们步履沉重、内心满是罪恶与绝望。”瓦里吾说，“我们想尽一切努力，让他们离开时心里重新燃起爱和希望。”

　　“第一场相亲会在索拉普市一家医院里举办，我们准备了300人份的餐食。结果只来了40个人，多出来的饭菜只能分给医院里穷苦的病人。”后来，随着瓦里吾与非政府组织展开合作，情况开始好转，前来相亲的艾滋病患者慢慢多了起来。

　　43岁的拉梅什·邓德在印度西部城市普纳踩人力车为生。11年前，他得知自己被现已过世的妻子感染了艾滋病，生活自此陷入绝望。直到两年前，他在相亲会结识了现在的妻子——一一位33岁的离异女性，“重新回归正常的婚姻生活，让我们重拾信心与病魔抗争”。

　　***HIV不应成为阻碍

　　“我的角色类似于服务提供商。人们通过网站或者相亲会结识同伴，然后直接联系。”瓦里吾说，他不清楚自己促成了多少对“特殊夫妻”，但根据收到的答谢信和用户在网站上更新的个人信息，确切的数目应该在200对至400对之间。

　　至于瓦里吾迄今取得的最大成功，则可能是在2010年，11对新人在普纳举行集体婚礼。

　　如今，随着网站的知名度和用户数逐步提升，许多志同道合的个人和组织向瓦里吾伸来援助之手。下一步，瓦里吾计划募集更多捐款来帮助艾滋孤儿，“HIV(艾滋病毒)，不应阻碍人们拥有梦想的权利”。