14种飞机“怪咖”邻座.

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　　The 14 people you don&apost want to sit next to on a plane

　　14种飞机“怪咖”邻座

　　Let me begin by promising you that I am not an angry person. I would actually vow that I am inherently happy and all-around quite friendly and nice. But one thing that really grinds my gears, is being seated next to a nightmare neighbor on an airplane.

　　首先我要澄清一点：我天生是个乐观友善的人，不易发怒。但令我忍无可忍的是，在飞机上遇到“怪咖”邻座。如若遇到以下14种人，你确实是时运不佳。

　　The Nighttime Cuddler

　　1.“睡美人”

　　Airplane seats are uncomfortable, restricting and not equipped to be shared, so watch out when your unconscious neighbor slowly tilts his or her head in your direction. Depending on how deep the dreamer, you could be in for a game of seesaw as you attempt to politely prop up your sleeping beauty. When all else fails, place an airplane blanket or neck pillow between the two of you because, well, it’s better than sharing your shoulder.

　　飞机上的位子通常受限而且空间小不太舒服，要是邻座的头无意地慢慢往你这边靠时可得当心了。要看他睡得多熟，当你试着好好地撑起这个睡美人的时候，你却像在玩跷跷板游戏似的。无计可施时，拿毯子或枕头挡在中间，总好过分享你的肩膀。

　　The Guy Watching Porn on His Phone

　　2.看色情片的家伙

　　This man may not be a threat to homeland security, but he is certainly terrorizing your rights and his dignity. Committing lewd, indecent or obscene acts in public aboard an aircraft will land this one in handcuffs, so you need to remove the threat. Do your duty and well, be a tattletale. If a person can’t last a flight without his precious porn, no one wants to imagine what he was doing in the bathroom—or even worse, under that over-sized laptop. Eek!

　　这种人对国家安全可能构不成什么威胁但是他绝对是那种无耻之徒并威胁着你的权利。若在飞机上有人公然干下流勾当，那么飞机得着陆拘留此人，所以你要消除这种威胁。你大可尽责告发他。如果一个人不看色情的东西就不能在飞机上待的话，那就难以想象他在卫生间要作什么了，更不敢想象在这种超大笔记本电脑下面…… 唷!

　　The ADD child

　　3.多动症儿童

　　It’s not cute when a stranger’s little chatterbox is looking to make a friend on the plane… at 3 a.m. It might make you the Grinch from 10,000 feet above sea level, but throw on your snooze mask bore the kid has a chance to make eye contact.

　　凌晨3点，身边的陌生小孩却准备打开话匣子，一点也不可爱。这时你就像是来自距海平面10000英尺的鬼精灵一样装睡，不让他(她)和你有眼神交流的机会。他可没表面看来这么天真无邪。

　　The Snorer

　　4.打鼾者

　　As painfully obvious as the snorer is on this list of nightmares, he or she is equally as hard to spot. You will already be strapped in and mid-air bore this literal loud mouth assaults the quiet air. The real question in this situation is: to tap, or not to tap? There’s nothing worse than being startled awake, so we suggest gently nudging this person and then quickly pretending it wasn&apost you, or blaming it on someone else. “Oh, the snacks were coming around, they wanted to know if you wanted some Pop Chips!”

　　打鼾者是这个怪咖清单上极其常见的一种，但是你却很难发现他。你刚系好安全带到半空中的时候，刺耳的鼾声便打破了空中本有的寂静。这时候的问题是：你要不要拍醒他(她)?没什么比被惊醒更糟糕了，建议你拍醒他(她)，然后假装若无其事，或推说乘务员来过推销商品。

　　The Arm Rest Hog

　　5.霸占扶手者

　　No one likes when his or her personal space is being invaded and the guy or gal who thinks they own the air rights to your armrest does just that. If you find yourself at a standstill and lt with only a sliver to rest your elbow, wait for the right moment and then really commit. As soon as he or she grabs for their drink, gets up to go to the bathroom or even reaches up to cover their mouth for a sneeze, swoop right on in there and stand your ground.

　　没人喜欢私人空间被侵犯，关键是有些人认为他有权这么做。如果你发现自己的扶手被占的只剩块搁肘的布的话,就等待时机夺回“领地”吧。一旦你的邻座伸手去拿饮料，或起身上卫生间，甚至是打喷嚏捂嘴的话，赶紧的扑上去，然后坚守住“阵地”。

　　The Talker

　　6.话痨

　　Earplugs. This chatty Cathy might be looking to make a friend, find a romance in the air or just wants tell you all about how her daughter just moved to Chicago and is “loving it!” Whatever the motive, this person genuinely wants to make some sort of sky-high connection and is sure to be so taken aback by your rude, uninterested behavior that she will shut down. Arm yourself with something to drown out the sound so you can send a signal that this plane ride is all about sleeping.

　　带上耳机是个办法。这个爱闲聊的凯西可能想交个朋友，或者想在飞机上来场艳遇，或者只是想告诉你她女儿是怎样搬到芝加哥并且深爱着这块热土的。不管她是什么动机，她就是想套近乎，如果你对她表现出不礼貌或者不感兴趣的话，她会立马停止。武装自己，同时传递一个信息：飞机是睡觉的地方。

　　The Smelly Food Eater

　　7.怪味食客

　　Ever since airlines raised prices and lowered options for in-flight meals, travelers are boarding with bagged lunches or dinners more and more often. We totally support saving money and being prepared, but we can’t support food that tickles our senses. Be polite and opt for cold or room-temperature bites. Eat early on in the flight and dispose of your trash quickly.

　　自从机内餐价上涨，选择减少后，带餐登机的旅客越来越多。我们非常支持省钱并做好充分的准备但请别带味道太重的食物，注意礼貌，带一些凉的或常温食物。在飞机上尽早吃完，并立即将垃圾处理。

　　The Diva

　　8.“大牌女神”

　　Here is one frequent flier you actually can spot from a mile away. She’s toting designer luggage (and needs your help storing it), expects everyone on the plane to work for her and is the last to switch her cell phone into Airplane mode. You have two options: be a good Samaritan and assist her when she asks things of you, like showing her how to buy the rom-com being offered as the in-flight movie; or steer her towards her other neighbor. It won’t drown her out, but it will make her someone else’s problem!You need to make her someone else’s problem.

　　这种人经常能碰到，而且大老远就能发现她。她手提名牌包包(需要你帮她放好)，指望飞机上所有人都为她服务而且总是最后一个把手机调成飞行模式。你有两个选择：当个好人在她叫你帮忙的时候帮助她，比如教她在飞机上如何购买《全民情敌》这样的电影;也可以把这包袱踢给别人，自然有人领受。把做好事的机会留给别人。

　　The Excessive Drinker

　　9. 酒鬼

　　There’s nothing wrong with slurping down a nice, stiff drink, but if you aren&apost headed to Vegas, an in-flight over-imbiber isn&apost cool. This hazard can escalate quickly: it’s loud, violates your personal space and is likely to leave in its wake a zonked-out and unwelcome cuddler (see above), unaware excretion spewer (see below) or even worse (uh, use your imagination). Make friends with a flight attendant and make sure this wasted rider gets cut off bore the fourth drink.

　　在飞机上适度喝点酒也无可厚非，但是你若不是去维加斯的话，又过度饮用就不是什么妙事了，各种状况叫你不得安宁：在飞机上吵闹，侵占你的空间，醒着的时候醉醺醺的，一会儿就趴你身上睡着了(参照上文)，抑或止不住的呕吐(参照下文)，甚至更糟(额，发挥你的想象力吧)，建立与乘务员的友好关系，以确保邻座喝酒不超过三杯。

　　The Frequent Bathroom-Goer

　　10. 尿频者

　　Picture this: after a bumpy take-off, you quell your nerves and rest your eyes bore falling away into a deep and comforting sleep (ahh) – and then the person next to you needs to use the bathroom. No one should have to sit in pain with a suffering bladder, but there is a certain etiquette if you need to go more than the average person. Make sure to visit the little boy’s room bore takeoff and take advantage of moments when your seatmates are alert, or at least awoken by the flight attendants. When in doubt, find your inner track star and jump on over!

　　设想一下这个场面：飞机颠簸地起飞后，你闭目养神准备安稳睡一觉，这时旁边的人起身上卫生间，作何感想。不是说要憋着，但你可以在不打扰邻座休息时去。比如在飞机起飞前去卫生间，要是你的邻座敏感的话要选好时机，或者至少趁乘务员在旁他也醒着的时候。如果不确定的话，就走内道或者跳出去。

　　The In-Flight Primper

　　11. 空中化妆者

　　She seems like your average gal and then an hour bore touch-down her in-flight tray looks like her bathroom counter. She’s doing her nails (oh that smell!) and trying to apply mascara through turbulence. And then she drops her lipstick on your jeans and asks you if you think she looks pretty. Just say yes. It’s easier than the truth.

　　她看起来是个很普通的女孩，在飞机还有一个小时要着陆的时候，她就会搬出她的“化妆台”。她涂指甲油时那个气味呀、飞机颠簸的时候她还刷睫毛膏，还将口红掉你裤子上。她问你她漂不漂亮，就说漂亮，这比说实话省事。

　　The Mile-High-Club Couple

　　12. 高空性爱男女

　　But if you frequently fly first class or often find yourself seated next to a bathroom, you’re sure to eventually encounter this simultaneously disappearing twosome. They’re the PDA-loving couple who can&apost keep their hands off one another, flirty strangers hitting it off in the front of the plane or bucket-list seekers trolling Virgin airline’s in-flight chat system will absolutely hog the bathroom, create an awkward air in the air for aware passengers – and leave you with one helluva story to tell your friends once you land.If only you could tell them to get a room.

　　经常坐头等舱或卫生间旁，你一定会遇到这种情况：如胶似漆的夫妻或情侣、一见钟情的旅友或旅途寻欢者霸占着卫生间,营造一个令其他乘客尴尬的氛围。等你下机后，你准得和你的朋友抱怨好一阵。真希望能叫他们去开房。

　　The Terrified Traveler

　　13.飞行恐慌者

　　Everyone sympathizes with someone who is flat-out terrified, but handling a panic attack was not on this flight agenda. The fearful flier will probably be over-prepared as they chomp five pieces of gum during takeoff, clutch their over-sized water bottle to their chest and scan the aircraft with a look that screams, “Is this normal?!” The kindest thing you can do for this scared soul is to share your sleeping pills, especially if turbulence hits.It may be time to buy her a drink.

　　谁都同情有飞行恐慌症的人，但是没有人真想要碰上这种情况。飞行恐慌者会在起飞时嚼5颗口香糖，胸口紧握超大号水瓶，不安地四处扫视尖叫到“飞机正常吧?”。这时你最好拿几颗安眠药安慰这个惶恐的灵魂，尤其是飞机颠簸的时候。这时候应该请她喝一杯。

　　The Plane Farter

　　14. 空中放屁者

　　You think we don’t know who you are, but we do! We&aposve all heard your rationale: you think you are safe because the loud noises of the plane will drown out the loud noises coming from your seat cushion. But we can spot that overly satisfied look on your face as you lean in one direction bore getting all comfy and snugly in your seat. And, oh—that smell! Let us tell you something, mister, or sister: an airplane is a shared space. For the love of flying, mind your manners!

　　你以为我们不知道是谁放的屁啊，你错了!我们早就听说过你以为的那一套了：你以为飞机的噪音可以掩盖你座垫下发出的声音，但我们看到你歪向一边时脸上舒畅的表情就知道：是你!臭气熏天!先生，女士，记着，飞机是公共场所。有爱飞行，请注意你的举止!