悉尼大学商学国贸双硕士毕业,现居澳洲,在澳学习生活15+年,从事教育咨询工作超过10年,澳洲政府注册教育顾问,上千成功升学转学签证案例,定期受邀亲自走访澳洲各类学校
5月6日换库后,小编现在为大家开始收集整理5月的GMAT作文机经,下面这篇是关于Courses, higher proportion, eliminating一篇GMAT作文机经,分享给大家,希望对大家有所帮助,文中观点仅供参考。
【原始】
“The Saluda Consolidated High School offers more than 200 different courses from which its students can choose. A much smaller private school down the street offers a basic curriculum of only 80 different courses, but it consistently sends a higher proportion of its graduating seniors on to college than Consolidated does. By eliminating at least half of the courses offered there and focusing on a basic curriculum, we could improve student performance at Consolidated and also save many tax dollars.”
【参考思路】
1 因果错误,课程多少并不是低proportion的原因。
2 Insufficient example:只是一个小学校的例子并不能说明只要course少入学率就高
3 入学率作为衡量 students’ performance的标准,不恰当。
【范文】
The author concludes that the Saluda Consolidated High School can enhance student performance by reducing at least half of the courses available there, and only concentrating on a fundamental curriculum. To substantiate the conclusion, the author claims that this project is adopted by a much smaller private school nearby. The outcome is very successful because higher proportion of its graduates enters colleges than that of Consolidated. This argument, however, fails to be persuasive for the author&aposs questionable assumptions and weak analogy.
Most conspicuously, the author only concerns with the proportion of graduate seniors attending a college as only one condition to evaluate educational fectiveness yet ignore many relevant factors. In fact, a High School&aposs quality is determined by a whole bunch of school, including its faculties, facilities, curriculum, recreation activities, and so on. A complimentary award also plays an important role. Besides, that some students do not continue further study does not mean they are disqualified to enroll to colleges. They perhaps continue to learn what they are interested in but do not attend at colleges or universities, such as foreign language school, dancing class, cooking school, and so on. Therore, the evaluation of the Saluda Consolidated High School&aposs quality only by the proportion of students studying higher level of education is incomplete.
Also, the author assumes that only a single step change in the number of courses can improve quality of teaching. Presumably, the smaller private school down the street succeeds in educational quality due to many factors combined together, such as knowledgeable professors, extracurricular activities, job training program and international study. It can be reasonably assumed that currently the Saluda Consolidated High School has lower performance because it lacks these criteria. The best way is to add them into the school. Eliminating current course may make everything even worse. If this is the case, then the author&aposs conclusion is extremely weakened.
Finally, the author&aposs line of reasoning is the weak analogy between the Saluda Consolidated High School and the smaller private school down the street. There is no logical connection between these two schools, and the author does not attempt to show any connection either. Perhaps, these two schools have nothing in common. For example, the number of student population in each school is remarkably different. In addition, we do not know whether the Saluda Consolidated High School is public or private school. If it is public school, then the policy may be disparate from that of private school. The argument would have been strong if the author could provide the missing connection or prove that these two schools are comparable.
In summary, this argument is unwarranted. To strengthen the conclusion, the author would have to provide more evidences that the Saluda Consolidated High School provides too much courses which are not necessary to its students. The school should analyze the quality of curriculum meticulously prior to making any decision. Moreover, supporting information which links between student performance and the number of students attending colleges should be given. Most importantly, the author has to guarantee that the Saluda Consolidated High School and the smaller private school down the street are comparable. Without such evidences mentioned above, this argument is still logically unconvincing, and fails to impress the readers.
以上就是关于Courses, higher proportion, eliminating的GMAT作文机经的全部内容,分享给大家,希望对大家有所帮助,最后祝大家都能考出好成绩。
Amy GUO 经验: 16年 案例:4272 擅长:美国,澳洲,亚洲,欧洲
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