雅思写作文章大剖底分享.

　　现在参加雅思考试的学生越来越多，当然想要取得更好的雅思考试成绩的学生也越来越多，首先想要取得好成绩，必须要先把雅思写作部分给弄明白，雅思写作部分其实是有相关的雅思写作技巧的，所以容易的大家就应该尽快拿下。

　　下面澳际小编就来给大家介绍分享一下雅思写作部分雅思成绩提升的雅思写作技巧文章范例大分析。

　　老龄化快速增长的优缺点：

　　In many countries, the number of elderly people is increasing fast. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

　　Nowadays, owning to the improvement of living condition (这里习惯用复数), people can live much longer than bore, which gives rise to the fast increasing number of elderly people. Some hold that this situation will result in a series of problems, such as social burden, population expansion and so on. While others insist that it agrees the development of modern society and brings many advantages. For my part, I take the latter side with(用for) the following reasons: (74words)

　　点评：开头稍微写的有点长，不过内容写的还不错。属于通过分析两种不同观点，最后阐述自己观点的写法。(此种写法在雅思大作文的第一段比较常见)

　　美中不足的是倒数第二句的错误比较明显!while是个连词，应该连接句子与句子，所以这里前面不应该是句号。后面agree是不及物动词，不能直接加宾语。

　　Firstly, elder people(一会儿elderly people,一会儿又elder people，这不是自相矛盾么) are the fortune of our society. They have enough experiences and capabilities which are badly lacked and needed for our youth when dealing with all sorts of problems, they can still do well in their jobs. Especially(前面应该用逗号，然后这里小写) in some professions, such as teacher, doctor, scientist and so on, sometimes(前面应该用句号，然后这里大写)age means the authority and ability. When you see a doctor, do you prer an elderly doctor with grey hair or a youth without mustache?(77words)

　　Secondly, elder people(同上) are the happiness of our society. Increasing number of elderly people is also the embodiment of our improving living quality,which shows our society run(应该第三人称单数) to the right and healthy direction, we(前面句号，这里大写) have more chance and time to serve our elderly people, and it’sthe happiest time of all our life to accompany with (accompany是及物动词) our parents, grandparents and great grandparents. (63words)

　　Finally, elderly people are the lubricant of our society. They have good temper and enough patients(应该是patience吧) to do anything, they can help us to intercede(它是不及物动词，而且主要用人作宾语) social disputes, and they make our society much more harmonious which(前面最好有个逗号)makes for the construction of harmonious society.(43words)

　　正文段综合点评：此篇是典型的5段式作文的写作，正文段构思出三个分论点来证明自己的观点，的确在构思上花了不少心思。但是，还是两方面都分析一下会比较好一点。特别这篇文章是问优点多还是缺点多，那么最好是缺点讲一个，然后优点再讲两个。外国人喜欢这样的辩证分析。

　　其次，总的来说，作者的语言还是挺流畅的。但是似乎标点有问题，该用句号的时候用逗号，改用逗号的时候用句号，这个也要扣分的!

　　From mentioned above, the advantages of increasing number of elderly peopleare obvious more than it disadvantages(典型的Chinese English.应该说there are obviously more advantages than disadvantages.). Elderly people are not the burden of oursociety but the source of fortune, happiness and harmony of oursociety.(37words)

　　全文总评：

　　尽管总的来说语言水平还是很不错的，内容也写得很充实，但缺点是语言方面还是不够细腻。此文7分。

　　解决环境问题方法是涨价?

　　The best way to solve environmental problems is to raise the price of fuel.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

　　As we see, smog is choking our cities and toxic chemicals are contaminating our drinking water, lowering the quality of people's living conditions.Naturally, the question is in the spotlight whether it is fective to cope with environmental problems by raising the price of fuel

　　(这个句子写得比较特殊,因为是讲前面的the question 和后面的同位语从句whether it is fective… 隔开了,"凶手"是谓语部分 is in the spotlight.俗称,分割式同位语从句) . And my sense is that it is a good way, but never the best.(59words)

　　点评:看了第一段的语言,感觉作者英语水平应该很高,不管是从语言上也好,还是从表达的内容也好,都很老练.其次,值得一提的是,再怎么优秀的文章,结构基本还是一样的.此段也是先引入话题,然后表达自己的观点.所以,对于那些一天到晚总在研究作文结构的同学来说,你们可以休息一下了,把精力放到语言上来吧.文章的结构,特别是首尾段的太容易了,没什么多研究的。

　　It is true that manufacturers, whose aim is to make more profits, have tolimit the amount of fuel used in production by some way (多么不好的表达!本来句子写得挺好的,结果来了句by some way,可以理解为通过某种方式,这样的话,应该不能算是错误的,但是从另外个角度,总觉得这个表达放在这个句子里有点"鸡立鹤群"的感觉,由于作者水平很高,所以能不能想想办法,精益求精呢?!), due to the increase of fuel price, to cut down on their cost of products,reducing the emission in the process of manufacture� (作者整句的意思是想说:"生产商的目的是获得更高的利润,所以必须通过某种方式限制生产过程所用的燃料,因为燃料价格上升了,这样做可以降低产品的成本,减少生产过程中气体排放."在翻成中文以后,我们再来看这个句子,最后的reducing the emission ...应该是可以理解了,它是limit the amount of fuel used in production的结果状语,而to cut down on their cost of products呢?!是目的。

　　总结一下,这个句子完全可以当作我们翻译课上的例句,因为对翻译来说,老师最喜欢这样的句子,考验学生对句子结构的分析,但是,雅思考试的时候,考官是否能看懂呢?!考官是能够看懂的,但问题是考官会不会花心思去看?!这个是因考官而异,所以句子写得复杂没有问题,但是结构一定要清晰,不能复杂到连考官都琢磨半天,那就不好了!!!这句话,乍看之下,能够理解,那么推定考官也能理解,所以还是不错的). (超级长句,很不错) Also, faced with sharply growing price of common fuels, producersmay turn to new types of energy resources that are economical as well asharmless to environment (还是前面加个the ) , in long term(前面逗号可以不要,然后改成in the long term 对冠词的把握不好) 。

　　点评: 此段充分显示了作者的语言功底,但是此段有没有比较难的单词呢?!答案是没有!说明什么呢?!好的作文也不需要刻意追求词汇的难度,而是词汇的广度!

　　But, as usual, only when the government or authoritative organizationsenforce environmental regulations on producers will the latter scenario happen.(倒装句开头,不错.另外,大家可以学个单词,scenario ,它在此表示"可能发生的情况"比如: The death of democracy becomesquite a likely scenario.) In other words, the authorities play an active role in preventing the excessive pollutants from pouring out into rivers or air. Without the compulsory clauses, manufacturers may choose low-cost fuel, rather than theone in offensive to the surroundings, for, in the short term, manufacturers,especially small ones, can not afford the high expense on( 是of 吧 ) advanced equipment that can make the most of resources, and thus, lessen the pollutants.(又是个厉害的长句,但是对冠词的把握仍然是瑕疵)

　　点评: 语言功底好的人有什么特点?!从句吗?不是。而是非谓语动词和从句的结合。

　　Furthermore, on the whole, the high fuel price of energy resources can note liminate the pollution, because there, whether more or less, has still been pollution ( whether more or less 虽然是插入语,但是感觉这句这样写有点不自然,而且后面是用完成时似乎也不对.试改为: there is still more or less pollution. ) . And, the radical approach to the environmental problems lies with the environmental awareness of producers. With the broad awareness about the importance of sustainable development, producersare willing to develop renewable energy resources, instead of being compelled to carry out the environmental policy established by the government, which is more fective but more difficult to reach. ( 长句,大家欣赏一下吧 )

　　So, the environmental problems can be solved by the rise in price of fuel partially, but not radically. And then, better to take advantage to all the price mechanism, administration and the public's knowledge, than to make use ofonly one of them. ( 348words )

　　点评: 最后一段是败笔,或者说明显写的没前面几段好!

　　试改为: Therore, raising fuel price can, to some extent, tackle the environmental problems but is far from thoroughly and the combination of price mechanism, administration and public knowledge is much better than make use ofmerely one of them.

　　总评: 不用多说了,8分。

　　大学里面男学生和女学生是不是应该一样多?

　　Gender discrimination is always a topic in our society. Nowadays, anissue(应该是the issue,因为表示特指) under discussion is whether equal numbers of male and female students should be enrolled in every subject by universityies (拼写!). In my opinion, it is benificial to put emphasis on sexual equality. However, the request of accepting same(前面要加the,属于固定用法) numbers of boys and girls in every subject is overly simplistic.

　　点评:从结构和内容上来说，还不错，符合要求，前两句话过渡一下，交待背景信息，最后表达自己的观点。本段作者是通过两句话来表达观点，也未尝不可。

　　从语言角度来说,没有严重的错误,从句也得到了运用,但是还是有错。

　　There are mainly two reasons for me to say so.(过于口语化的表达.而且这句话就代表了本段要写两个分论点!这不是一种prerred的写法,既然有两个原因,为什么不能写成两段呢?!这样结构不是更加清晰么.)Firstly, individuals have their own rights to choose the subjects they enjoy.Thus, it is hard to say whether the number of these two different genders will coincidentally be the same in the end. Secondly,(这里开始应该另起一段) the society calls for different things from males and females. According to my experience, we havea special school named "Female school" in our university, the main subjects of which are intermedia, individual image design, photography and so on. Only girls can get enrolled in this school because the main goal of this school is to cultivate girls that not only can stand on their own fet(拼写!) after graduation,but also live a good life while they act as mothers or housewives in the future.There is no doubt that males and females will act different roles in society after graduation.

　　点评: 结构上已经说过了,最好分成两段。内容上来说,两个分论点写地一般,第一个分论点后面的扩展太少;第二个分论点本身太抽象,表达地不清楚。

　　语法上还可以,错误并不多,但是好像没什么特别精彩的地方。

　　Admittedly, up till now, sex discrimination remains a problem. The emphasison equal education opportunities for both boys and girls is exactly a must,especially in rural areas. However, since boys and girls are born with different gifts and missions, the extreme equivalence is somehow a myth. Only when the gender differences are eliminated can this extreme equivalence come true.

　　点评: 这段写得还不错,内容、结构和句型上都比较顺。

　　In conclusion, I admit the importance of equal education opportunities for both males and females. But just like the harm sex discrimination will do, an emphasis on extreme equality of these two genders is also detrimental.

　　这段写得也很不错。

　　总评: 全文后半部分写得还不错,主要就是第一段有些问题.可以给个6.5-7分吧。

　　以上就是澳际小编给大家介绍分享的雅思写作部分雅思成绩提升的雅思写作技巧文章范例大分析。希望小编的简单叙述能够给大家的雅思考试带来帮助，祝愿大家的雅思考试成绩越来越好，都能够考出理想的雅思成绩来。

　　澳际教育创立伊始就只专注于欧美高端留学，在本领域内资历最深，每年限量服务以确保质量;澳际留学多年累计服务客户数千，连续8年99%的申请成功率，90%以上的申请人获得了美国前100和加拿大、英国前10的名校录取，大量奖学金申请成功案例。我们坚持公司的收益和客户的利益紧密挂钩，双方紧密的连接在一起;公司会动用全部资源帮助客户去最好的学校，拿到最多的奖学金。我们将承诺用最优质服务帮您申请最满意的学校，申请不成功我们为您全额退款!澳际留学全心全意为您!