一篇SAT作文的实例讲解.

这个暑假的SAT词汇和写作加强班第二轮已经快结束了，今天开始讲评布置的作文作业。感觉同学们在写作上不仅离SAT考试的要求有距离，而且基本不能达到在美国课堂上做小论文和ESSAY的要求，我有些许生气。

诚然，写作是语言学习的最后环节，也是最终极的一个高度，对于任何语言都是这样。学习中文这么多年，每次提起笔来，我心里面底气非常不足。英文也是一样，就如罗永浩同志有一次调侃，澳际背过字典的就只有老俞和那个广东疯子（未考证，我太太说给我听的），的确，我是背过韦氏字典，但是要我写英文，每一次我都是逐字逐句斟酌，如履薄冰，身后总感觉有人在偷偷笑我。在国内这儿环境里，做留学咨询的人很多，出版名校指南指西指北指ANYWHERE的人很多，但是敢于亮出来写和出版留学文书写作的，数来数去，我看也就还是包凡一老师和另外两个澳际的老人了。

这还真的不是开玩笑的。

今天贴出来一位同学的命题作文，题目是我出的，Talk about a controversial event, issue or occurence in your life, or something that you believe is controversial. Tell me how you feel about it and why. （写一件有争议的事，谈谈你的看法，300-400字,限时两小时）。这个同学的英文很好，但是熬夜才写出来，凌晨2点发给我。文章从总体上说不错，对于一个中国高中生来说，过关，但是对于哥大的本科一年级HALF-SEMESTER论文，我给70分。

行文著述，立意挂帅。首先，上来就要开宗明义地说明自己的观点。ISSUE是什么？为什么会有这个ISSUE？总有一些事情和事实来引发兴趣和关注吧？FACTS放在什么地方，不要冗长描述，言简意赅地说明。然后，你的REASONINGS是什么，要一一列出，正方反方，你站在那一边？分析和论述，这才是文章的血肉，要恰如其分地嵌入和安排，令每一个GROUND或RATIONALE理由充分。最后，有结论吗? 回应开头和全文，看看有什么总结，陈词，让步，递进还是强调。到这里，短短的一篇文章就可以结束了。

先看看，然后我来点评几句。

Topic: Is handwriting of Chinese important to modern people?

(考试的时候不要这么写TOPIC，把它变成一句话，也就是我们上面说的FACTS的背景即可)

Nowadays, teenagers usually spend 3 or （to）4 hours per day on the Internet. And they are (so)used to typing characters on (the screen)computers (that they...) so far as they forget how to write a great number of characters on paper. Educators and parents have raised a lot concerns (have mounting concerns/worry that)about the importance of Chinese handwriting. On the other hand,(这里用on the other hand有些奇怪，直接用some argued that...即可) some people say,” Let it be and we do not need handwriting anymore.” Then I will discuss this controversial topic.（这里应该引出自己的观点了。 I am of the beli that different people may have different needs or prerence to use handwritten characters in their work and life, depending on various circumstances....或者别的一些观点，无论站在那一边，要明确一些）

Some agree to the opinion that no matter how advanced the computer is, we should also （去掉also）keep studying Chinese handwriting, (to which I do not totally/fully or completely agree) while I do not altogether agree to it. The purpose of words or characters is to express(convey) information, (这里句法有错，要加一个连接词或前面加上while)typing on computer could help you achieve this task as well.(在这里仍然没有写出论点是什么) Also in some business occasions, typing in computers（typed words） is a more formal (去掉approach) approach to correspond with your customers. For instance, if I apply for Columbia University, its Admission Committee will require me to send them an official transcript. In this case, a handwriting one may be not acceptable to the committee, so that I need to ask for my high school to provide me with a printed version, which is undoubtedly more suitable in applying for university.(这个例子举得很好，可惜前面说的是商业和客户，这里变成了申请大学，建议把前面的BUSINESS去掉，或变成另一个例子)

The others, however, agree to the opinion that we should no longer study handwriting of Chinese because of the widespread use of computers and Internet, but I do not agree completely.（这里依然是不完全同意这个观点，但是你的观点是什么？） For some artists who work on handwriting of Chinese, and the people who regard it as their hobbits, handwriting is still important. They may make living by selling their masterpieces.（意义开始混淆，这个例子举出来有些迷惑了，谋生和书法写作有很大关系吗？）And let’s consider the following hypothetical situation.（直接举例，不要说这个或者那个假设） Assume that an artist feels bored about working on Chinese handwriting, and he wants to convert （convert是改变宗教信仰的意思，这里不能这么用）to another （去掉fresh）fresh job. Under this certain circumstance he may not accustom to the new environment, therore getting back to his former job-keep working on his handwriting. In the other words, calligraphy (handwritting of Chinese)is a way they make money or just alleviate their pressure. So it is handwriting that make him a better life.(这里最好的例子和说明就是书法对很多人来说是生活和工作的内容，而且，手写书法可以缓解很多人的工作压力，这样也可以)

To sum up, whether handwriting of Chinese is important to modern people depends on conditions, occupations and hobbits of them.（这个结论在前面批驳了两个不同论点之后出现，有些唐突了，关键在于文章中没有围绕着这个论点来说明）

这个暑假的SAT词汇和写作加强班第二轮已经快结束了，今天开始讲评布置的作文作业。感觉同学们在写作上不仅离SAT考试的要求有距离，而且基本不能达到在美国课堂上做小论文和ESSAY的要求，我有些许生气。

诚然，写作是语言学习的最后环节，也是最终极的一个高度，对于任何语言都是这样。学习中文这么多年，每次提起笔来，我心里面底气非常不足。英文也是一样，就如罗永浩同志有一次调侃，澳际背过字典的就只有老俞和那个广东疯子（未考证，我太太说给我听的），的确，我是背过韦氏字典，但是要我写英文，每一次我都是逐字逐句斟酌，如履薄冰，身后总感觉有人在偷偷笑我。在国内这儿环境里，做留学咨询的人很多，出版名校指南指西指北指ANYWHERE的人很多，但是敢于亮出来写和出版留学文书写作的，数来数去，我看也就还是包凡一老师和另外两个澳际的老人了。

这还真的不是开玩笑的。

今天贴出来一位同学的命题作文，题目是我出的，Talk about a controversial event, issue or occurence in your life, or something that you believe is controversial. Tell me how you feel about it and why. （写一件有争议的事，谈谈你的看法，300-400字,限时两小时）。这个同学的英文很好，但是熬夜才写出来，凌晨2点发给我。文章从总体上说不错，对于一个中国高中生来说，过关，但是对于哥大的本科一年级HALF-SEMESTER论文，我给70分。

行文著述，立意挂帅。首先，上来就要开宗明义地说明自己的观点。ISSUE是什么？为什么会有这个ISSUE？总有一些事情和事实来引发兴趣和关注吧？FACTS放在什么地方，不要冗长描述，言简意赅地说明。然后，你的REASONINGS是什么，要一一列出，正方反方，你站在那一边？分析和论述，这才是文章的血肉，要恰如其分地嵌入和安排，令每一个GROUND或RATIONALE理由充分。最后，有结论吗? 回应开头和全文，看看有什么总结，陈词，让步，递进还是强调。到这里，短短的一篇文章就可以结束了。

先看看，然后我来点评几句。

Topic: Is handwriting of Chinese important to modern people?

(考试的时候不要这么写TOPIC，把它变成一句话，也就是我们上面说的FACTS的背景即可)

Nowadays, teenagers usually spend 3 or （to）4 hours per day on the Internet. And they are (so)used to typing characters on (the screen)computers (that they...) so far as they forget how to write a great number of characters on paper. Educators and parents have raised a lot concerns (have mounting concerns/worry that)about the importance of Chinese handwriting. On the other hand,(这里用on the other hand有些奇怪，直接用some argued that...即可) some people say,” Let it be and we do not need handwriting anymore.” Then I will discuss this controversial topic.（这里应该引出自己的观点了。 I am of the beli that different people may have different needs or prerence to use handwritten characters in their work and life, depending on various circumstances....或者别的一些观点，无论站在那一边，要明确一些）

上12下

共2页