过去几年来，我们的编辑们注意到一些令人惊叹的描述变得非常乏味，有些冷漠滑稽的题目 [b]变成了令人兴奋的读物。究其原因是写作风格。请读一读为创建本课程提供咨询的一些录取 [b]官员的建议与忠告： [b][b]使用口语体和易懂的语言生动描绘一个真实的从容随和的形象。 [b][b]务必使自己的文章让人读得下去，不要让我们读起来感到费力。你的文章应有高潮， [b]应使各个部分紧密关联，围绕一个要点，紧紧抓住读者的兴趣。 [b][b]不要让我们感到厌烦。往往是单调的风格而不是题材本身使得文章枯燥无味。 [b][b]我们的编辑所作的修改绝大部分属于这五类中的一类：句子长度变化，选词，动词时态，转 [b]折和文章的陈腐的表达方式。要是你上英语课时没留心的话，以下几点可帮你复习、记忆。 [b][b]一、句子长度变化 [b][b]许多申请者认为自己写的句子越长越好。事实并非如此。你不必用长的、复杂的句子来说明 [b]你的文章写得好。事实上，短句子却经常能包含许多内容。最好的文章其句子长度变化不 [b]一，任何一段都含有长句短句。你可以试一试大声朗读自己的文章，有句号时停顿一下。听 [b]听你的作文的节奏。所有的句子长度相同吗？如果整个一段的句子饶舌拗口，或是你读到某 [b]一点时喘不过气来，那你就把它们分成较短的句子。你也许需要试一试更有规律的方法。 [b][b]练习：句子长度变化 [b][b]一旦文章写完了，你就把每个句子按其长度标号，“短”（少于10个词），“中等”（少于 [b]20个词），或“长”（20或20个词以上）。一个写得好的段落读起来可能是这样的：中
--- [b]短---中---长---中---短。而一篇枯燥乏味的文章则是：短---短---短---长---长---长。 [b][b]二、选词 [b][b]切勿随意用深奥的词 [b] 不少申请者还会陷入另一个误区：认为好的文章是用深奥的词汇写成的。当然，如果用 [b]得自然，并正确地用在恰当的语境中，高级词汇是很好的。 [b][b]要说明，不要只是叙述。 [b]情况往往是这样，含有有趣故事的一篇文章结果往往会变成这样一连串的句子，这些句子只 [b]是在讲述而不是将作者的品质展现给读者。学生们错误地认为读者不会“知道”，如果他们 [b]自己不把主要的论点说绝。这样，文章就不能不充满陈腐用语、套语，什么“努力奋斗和坚 [b]持不懈的价值”，“学会区别对待”，“不要以为喜欢的就是好的”，“实现梦想”或“从 [b]错误中吸取教训”，等等。这类句子如果用得少，如用于主题句，是可以接受的，但是优秀 [b]的文章根本不用。相反，要让你的故事细节来说明自己。下面的例子能说明这种区别。 [b][b] 在一篇平庸的文章：I developed a new compassion for the disabled. [b] 在一篇较好的文章：Whenever I had the chance to help the disabled, I did so [b]happily. [b][b] 在一篇优秀的文章：The next time Ms. Cooper asked me to help her across the [b]street, I smiled and immediately took her arm. [b][b]第一个例子没提供细节，第二个例子仍只是假设，但是最后一个例子却能使人想起一个真正 [b]发生过的生动场面，因此使读者置于申请人的经历之中。 [b][b]不要过于口语化 [b]俚语，陈腐用语，缩略词，以及过分随便的语气等，除了最非正式的文章，都不应该使用。 [b]下面这个选段可作为大学作文四个犯忌的例子： [b][b]You are probably wondering, what are the political issues that make this [b]kid really mad? Well, I get steamed when I hear about my friends throwing [b]away their right to vote. Voting is part of what makes this country great. [b]Some people believe that their vote doesn’t count. Well, I think they’re [b]wrong. [b][b]在类似这样的文章里，如果你要证明你对事物的态度是认真的，那么你的语言本身也应该严 [b]肃认真。只有那些非传统的文章，例如那些以叙事体或对话形式写的文章，才应该依靠口语 [b]体的表达方式。只有你有意识地要取得能传达自己的意思的效果时你才用非正式的文体写。 [b][b]不要老是重复“I”作为句子的开头。 [b]文章的第一稿有许多非常典型的句子类型，例如，“I + 动词 + 宾语”（I play [b]soccer.）。要是在一篇文章里这样的简单结构用得太多，那么会产生两种效果：其一，你的 [b]语言显得肤浅简单；其二，在人家看来你非常高傲 ? 试想一下，你和某人谈话，而她总是 [b]谈论自己。这儿有个技巧，那就是改变用词而不改变意思。例如： [b] [b]修改前： I started playing piano when I was eight years old. I worked hard [b]to learn difficult pieces. I learned about the fort needed to improve [b]myself. I began to love music. [b][b] 修改后： I started playing the piano at the age of eight. From the [b]beginning, I worked hard to learn difficult pieces, and this struggle [b]taught me the fort needed for self-improvement. My work with the piano [b]nourished my love for music. [b][b]不要重复句子主语的名词。 [b]在写有关足球（或领导才能）的文章里，不要反复使用”soccer” (或 “leadership”) [b]一词。名词的重复其效果和上面提到的“I”的重复一样使人觉得你的语言肤浅。用可替代的 [b]词组代替主语名词。例如，你可用一些意义模糊的同义词（如“the sport “,”the game [b]“）或具体的短语（如”going to practice”, “completing a pass”）来替代” [b]soccer”。在写”leadership”（”领导才能“。时，可用”setting an example”或 [b]“coordinating a group fort” 等短语替代。 [b][b] [b]补充：删除多余的词 （51edit.com 网站提供）下面的单词和词组通常可以从文章中删除而 [b]不失去任何意思。多余的词使文章失去活力，因为它们使语言复杂化而空洞（在某些领域也 [b]称为“废话”，这是该词的一个语气更强的变体词）。以下的短语的确使句子显得臃肿，因 [b]为它们要求使用被动语态，即”to be + 动词的过去分词形式“。I believe that, I [b]feel that, I hope that, I think that, I realized that, I learned that, in [b]other words, in order to, in fact, it is essential that, it is important to [b]see that, the reason why, the thing that is most important is, this is [b]important because, this means that, the point is that, really, very, [b]somewhat, absolutely, dinitely, surely, truly, probably, practically, [b]hopully, in conclusion, in summary.在看看“X 和Y”这两个赘词，尽管其意义十分 [b]细微。下面列出的只是许许多多例子中的几个。每一对中两个词的意思几乎相同，因此，为 [b]何两个词都要写上？这些赘词告诉读者，作者并没考虑他在说什么。陈词滥调、老一套的词 [b]一多，你的文章听起来就与所有其他文章差不多。不要依赖这些有害无益的重叠词组，而应 [b]想一想更加确切的词汇，因为这些词汇能真正明确说明你独特的经历。Hard work and [b]fort, teamwork and cooperation, dreams and aspirations, personal growth [b]and development, determination and diligence, challenges and difficulties, [b]objectives and goals, worries and concerns, love and caring. [b][b]三、动词 [b][b]写文章时，记得把注意力放在动词上，尽量少用形容词。让句子堆满形容词和副词和增加细 [b]节或色彩并非一回事。形容词和副词只增加无力的描写，但是动词增加了有力的行动。 [b][b]被动语态 [b][b]我们的编辑发现学生申请入学的作文最大的一个缺点是经常使用被动语态。你们将从这短短 [b]的一课了解：为什么应避免被动语态，如何确定，以及如何用主动语态更好地表达。 [b][b]在一篇文章中通篇滥用被动语态会使你的文章显得平淡无味。使用主动语态的句子比使用被 [b]动语态的句子更简洁。由于被动语态的句子总包含动词be的一个形式，如am, is, was, [b]were, are, 或 been，因此你可以识别其表达方式。然而，有be-动词出现不一定说明句子 [b]是被动语态，在被动语态的句子里，句子主语是动词所表示的动作的承受者，即动作是作用 [b]于主语的。在主动语态的句子里，动词所表示的动作是主语所完成的，即主语是施动者。 [b][b]例子： [b]（被动）I was selected to be the tuba player by the band leader. [b]（主动）The bandleader selected me to be the tuba player. [b]（被动） I will be prepared for college as a result of the lessons my [b]mother taught me. [b]（主动）My mother taught me lessons that will prepare me for college [b][b] （被动） I am reminded of her voice every time I hear that song. [b] （主动）That song reminds me of her voice. [b]练习：强式动词与弱式动词 [b]用最富描写性或最有描述意义的动词短语填空： [b]1. After working closely with my mentor, I __________ advanced techniques [b]in oil painting. [b]a) was beginning to master [b]b) began to master [b]c) mastered [b]2. My newspaper article on the labor strikes __________ both praise and [b]criticism. [b]a) generated [b]b) got [b]c) was the recipient of [b]3. Once I joined the debate team, I __________ the opportunity to compete [b]every weekend. [b]a) sought [b]b) had [b]c) was exposed to [b]4. Samuel’s touchdown __________ the stadium crowd. [b]a) created much energy in [b]b) energized [b]c) really energized [b][b]5. Woolf’s essay __________ my opinion of gender inequality. [b]a) challenged [b]b) made me take another look at [b]c) was challenging to [b]6. As Jessica drew near me, I __________ the baton and took off running. [b]a) grasped [b]b) got [b]c) was given [b]7. Once my mother had fallen asleep, I __________ the dolls on her [b]nightstand. [b]a) put [b]b) arranged [b]c) set up [b]8. Chris and I __________ an educational project for first-graders in our [b]community. [b]a) began [b]b) started [b]c) initiated [b][b]9. “Why didn’t you ask me bore throwing it away?” Jason __________. [b]a) hollered [b]b) said angrily [b]c) started to yell [b]10. Mr. Franklin __________ that he was our true father. [b]a) let us know [b]b) told us [b]c) revealed [b]答案: [b]1) c; 2) a; 3) a; 4) b; 5) a; 6) a; 7) b; 8) c; 9) a; 10) c; [b]—————————————————————————————————————— [b][b]将被动语态改为主动语态 [b] [b]如果你要将被动句改为主动句，必须先找出施事者，即完成动词所表示的动作的人或物。将 [b]该“施事者”作为句子的主语，然后对动词做相应的改变。你可以按照以下这些步骤来处理 [b]你文章中许多被动语态的句子： [b] 1．全面检查一下”was” 和”were”这两个词，因为它们经常表示被动。 [b] 2．划掉 “was” 或 “were”。 [b] 3．在 “was” 或 “were” 后面的动词上加 “-ed”。 [b] 4．如果改变了的动词没有语法意义，那它就是个不规则动词，因此需把它改为一般的过去 [b]时态。 [b] 5．围绕这个新的主动语态动词重写句子。 [b]—————————————————————————————————— [b][b]练习：使句子意义更主动 [b] 将以下被动语态的句子改为主动语态。注意：有些句子无须改变。 [b][b]1. I was taught by my brother the principles of barbecuing. [b]_______________________________________________________________ [b]2. My father was given the title by the former head chi. [b]_______________________________________________________________ [b]3. The house was wrecked by the party and the cat was let loose by the [b]guests. [b]_______________________________________________________________ [b]4. The house is a mess, the cat is lost, and the car has been stolen by [b]Justin. [b]_______________________________________________________________ [b]5. Unfortunately, my plan was ruined by Gerald, the building superintendent. [b]_______________________________________________________________ [b]6. The roof was leaking. It had been leaking all week. [b]__________________________________________________________________ [b]7. The ball was thrown by Lucy, who had been hiding in the bushes. [b]_______________________________________________________________ [b]8. Francesca was placed on the first flight to Boston. Her father put her [b]there. [b]_______________________________________________________________ [b]9. “To be or not to be?” That is the question. [b]_______________________________________________________________ [b]10. A feast had been created from nothing. I was astounded. [b]_______________________________________________________________ [b] 答案： [b]1. My brother taught me the principles of barbecuing. [b]2. The former head chi gave the title to my father. [b]3. The party wrecked the house and the guests let the cat loose. [b]4. The house is a mess, the cat is lost, and Justin has stolen the car. [b]5. Unfortunately, Gerald, the building superintendent, ruined my plan. [b]6. No change. [b]7. Lucy, who had been hiding in the bushes, threw the ball. [b]8. Francesca’s father placed her on the first flight to Boston. [b]9. No change. [b]10. A feast had been created from nothing. This astounded me. [b] [b][b]练习：被动语态 —— 自由作文 [b][b] 写一篇100词的短文，题目不限（但最好与你的文章题目有关），不用动词 “to be” [b]的任何形式。 [b][b]四、转折语 [b][b]申请者常常忽视转折语对自己文章的危害。一篇好的文章在一段里面、特别是段落与段落之 [b]间一定要使用转折语，以便保持文章的流畅逻辑。没有转折语的文章就象一群孤立的小岛， [b]读者要费尽力气才能从一点转到另一点。因此，要用转折语作为连接你的各种想法的桥梁。 [b]当你从一个段落到另一个段落时，你除了继续讲你的故事，你不必再为你的叙述进行解释。 [b]如果段落之间的转折需要解释，那么你的文章要么范围太大，要么不够流畅，缺乏逻辑。一 [b]个好的转折句子可以填补两段之间所缺的那一行。 [b][b]不必太多地考虑如何去造转折句。如果你的提纲的概念很自然地一个接一个，后一个以前一 [b]个为前提，那么转折语也在其中了。切勿强迫自己使用转折语，尽量避免使用诸如 [b]“however”, ”nevertheless”, 或 “furthermore” 这些词。如果你觉得段落之间的 [b]转折有困难，或想把某个转折语强加进一个已写好的段落里去，那么，这可能说明你文章的 [b]总的结构有问题。如果你对此有怀疑，则回头再读一读你原先的提纲，看你是否每一段写一 [b]个要点，是否每个要点联系自然，前后连贯，结论符合逻辑。最后一段的转折语特别关键。 [b]如果对你如何得出最后的想法不清楚，那么说明你提纲的结论是硬塞进去的，或你的提纲缺 [b]乏中心。 [b][b]如果你对自己文章的结构有信心，但发现自己可能在适当转折的地方给难住了，那么试试重 [b]复前一段的关键词使自己的想法发展下去。如果不行，那么作为最后的一招，试从以下列出 [b]的常用转折语中找到你所需要的。 [b][b]添加事实或信息，可用： [b] as well, and, additionally, furthermore, also, too, in addition, [b]another, beside, moreover, etc. [b][b]表示事件发生的时间顺序，可用： [b][b] first of all, meanwhile, followed by, then, next, bore, after, last, [b]finally, one month later, one year later, etc. [b][b]按重要性程度顺序列举事物，可用： [b][b] first, second etc., next, last, finally, more importantly, more [b]significantly, above all, primarily, etc. [b][b]联系自己的想法与事实或例子，可用： [b][b] for example, for instance, to illustrate, this can be seen, etc. [b][b]表示因果关系，可用： [b] [b] as a result, thus, consequently, eventually, therore, etc. [b][b]表示对比，可用： [b] [b] nonetheless, however, yet, but, though, on the other hand, although, [b]even though, in contrast, unlike, differing from, on the contrary, instead, [b]whereas, nevertheless, despite, regardless of, etc. [b][b]表示比较，可用： [b][b] in a different sense, similarly, likewise, similar to, like, just as, [b]conversely, etc. [b][b]练习7：转折语 [b][b]用有效的转折语（如果需要的话）将下面的句子连接起来。（在某些情况下， 两个句子可各 [b]自成立而不须用转折语） [b][b]1. Ordinarily, I took my responsibility seriously and would write [b]down classmates' names to preserve the silence and decorum of the school [b]environment. [b]When a different teacher walked in, a teacher known to punish too hard and [b]painfully, I decided to save my friends from his hard strokes, and I erased [b]all the names. [b] [b]2. Despite the windy conditions and below freezing temperatures, I [b]could not tear myself away from the awe-inspiring beauty of the cosmos. [b]Despite the frustration and difficulties inherent in scientific study, I [b]cannot retreat from my goal of universal understanding. [b] [b]3. But the sadness with which she responded, stating, "He died when [b]he was a baby,” convinced me that it was true. [b]It affected me as nothing ever would again. [b] [b]4. Finishing the test in an unspectacular six minutes and five [b]seconds, I stumbled off the erg more exhausted than I had ever been. That [b]night, I went home and caught a cold. [b]Had I followed my survivalist and rationalist instincts, I would have quit [b]rowing then and there; [b] [b]5. Immediately, I realized that I must dedicate my life to [b]understanding the causes of the universe's beauty. [b]The hike taught me several valuable lessons that will allow me to increase [b]my understanding through scientific research. [b] [b]6. After my grandfather’s death, I began to understand and follow [b]his sage advice. [b]I pulled out a picture of my grandfather and me at Disneyland. [b]7. Often, she had to work from dusk to dawn living a double life as [b]a student and a financially responsible adult. [b]My mother managed to keep a positive disposition. [b] [b]8. In addition to working and studying, she found time to make [b]weekly visits to terminally ill and abandoned children in the local [b]hospital. [b]My mother developed the value of selflessness. [b] [b]9. My mother made me learn Indonesian, the official language of our [b]country. [b]Also, she wanted me to develop interests in various academic and [b]extracurricular fields. [b][b]答案: [b]1) However; 2) Similarly; 3) The shock of this revelation at such a tender [b]age; 4) That was three seasons ago. 5) In addition; 6) To cope with his [b]passing; 7) Despite the burdens she faced; 8) From her experiences during [b]college; 9) My mother did not only want me to have a broad knowledge of [b]languages. [b]五、陈腐用语 [b]根据Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, “陈腐用语“定义为：”a trite [b]phrase or expression”, “a hackneyed theme, characterization, r [b]situation”, 或 “something that has become overly familiar or [b]commonplace”. 也就是说，“陈词滥调，用滥了的套语；陈腐的思想；陈腐的主题或情 [b]节、角色、手法等”。任何一项都不要出现在你的文章里。“陈腐用语”会使你的作文看起 [b]来松散，思想看起来普通，经验平凡。记住以下所列的句子并避免使这些以及其他的陈腐用 [b]语出现在自己的文章中。 [b][b]1. I always learn from my mistakes [b]2. I know my dreams will come true [b]3. I can make a difference [b]4. _________ is my passion [b]5. I no longer take my loved ones for granted [b]6. These lessons are usul both on and off the field (or other sporting [b]arena) [b]7. I realized the value of hard work and perseverance [b]8. _________ was the greatest lesson of all [b]9. I know what it is to triumph over adversity [b]10. _________ opened my eyes to a whole new world [b]
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