数学专业个人陈述九(附评论 英).

　　申请专业：数学

　　Furthering my mathematical knowledge has been a source of great pleasure for me for all of my academic career, and continues to be such. My dedication for mathematics comes out in my other A level courses of physics and philosophy, which have strong, long held links with mathematics; this is a strong motivation for me to study these areas in greater depth. Having frequently taken part in optional mathematics lessons outside of the standard curriculum shows an ongoing commitment to broaden both my ability and knowledge in the areas of mathematics, logic and other related areas. Studying mathematics at degree level is a logical course of action for me.

　　My key interests in mathematics are in the applied areas of statistics and mechanics. One area where I have enjoyed using applied mathematics is using the normal distribution and hypothesis testing, in statistics, to model and predict real world events. This may be because of my keenness to develop an understanding of how the universe works and the ways with which we attempt to model and predict the goings on within it. A keenness which drove me to take an Open University YASS course in astronomy. Although my key interests may be in these areas, a deep passion for pure mathematics still remains. It is because of this that I have spent time researching, for personal gain, some topics of number theory such as prime number patterns.

　　Furthermore, I believe that overcoming a challenge has also been a motive and determining factor in my progression in mathematics. For example, I have enjoyed studying circular motion in mechanics for the challenge it initially confronted me with, as it included elements from not only mathematics which I had not encountered bore but also elements from my physics course. Another challenge I have overcome has been completing the aforementioned astronomy course, which led to me using and developing my independent learning skills. I felt both fulfilled and enriched by this course, and have found this experience in independent learning a great aid in other areas.

　　In terms of forts outside of school, I have read a number of books related to philosophy, such as ‘Why I am not a Christian’ by Bertram Russell, ‘Being and Nothingness’ by Jean-Paul Sartre and ‘The Existence of God’ by Richard Swinburne. These books, although predominantly linked to my philosophy course, contain elements which have extended my understanding of some areas of pure and statistical mathematics. Having read books of this standard has shown my ability to understand and comprehend university level texts, which will aid me in future work and research.

　　To conclude, mathematics is a subject I have reveled in for the majority of my academic life and look forward to extending this recreational and educational development at university level.

　　COMMENTS

　　GENERAL COMMENTS:

　　This statement has some good aspects, especially with regards to academic content. There is a good discussion of specific topics that the applicant is interested in and an appreciation of what skills have been developed through various activities and experiences. However, the statement is let down by some poor spelling, grammar and sentence construction which could very easily be remedied by carul proof-reading and which come across as sloppy. In places the statement is quite vague and generalised which reduces the conviction that the applicant really has control and understanding of what they are trying to say. A key component of a good statement is the complete control of what is said and why it is said – everything has a purpose and a role in fulfilling the aims of the statement. This statement would benit from a greater discussion of extra-curricular interests to show that the applicant is well-rounded and a discussion of maths text books rather than philosophy ones would be prerred. The statement has around 2,800 characters out of a maximum 4,000 and so there is opportunity to make some additions.

　　As a result of the negative aspects of this statement it may struggle in an application to a top institution, especially as a result of the careless sentence construction. However, there is some good content and structure for the most part and this would probably be a reasonable application to a top 20 university if supported by good predicted grades.

　　COMMENTS ON THE STATEMENT:

　　Furthering my mathematical knowledge has been a source of great pleasure for me for my entire academic career, and continues to be such. My dedication tomathematics is demonstrated “comes out” is quite an informal phrase. in my other A level courses of physics and philosophy, which have strong, long held links with mathematics I think that it would be worth discussing these links in more detail. It’s all very well saying that there are links, but it’s far more believable if the applicant explains what these links are and provide a strong motivation for me to study these areas in greater depth. I have frequently taken part in optional mathematics lessons outside of the standard curriculum, showing There are some issues with the sentence structure here. an ongoing commitment to broaden both my knowledge and ability I think it sounds better with the order reversed as here. in the areas of mathematics and logic and other related areas. This is a very vague catch all which is really not adding anything to the personal statement. Statements like this are common and yet take up valuable space while making it appear less convincing that the applicant knows what they are talking about. Studying mathematics at degree level is a logical course of action for me. Why? This is the question that the introduction and the personal statement really needs to answer. It is clear from the application itself that the applicant wishes to study maths, so the role of the PS is really to explain why they want to study it. As introductions go this one is not terrible but I think it has tried to cover too much and as a result has been quite vague and generalised. Details of experiences and evidence of interest in the subject can come later, but for now the introduction should show a passion for the subject and really answer why the applicant wishes to study mathematics up front.

　　My key interests in mathematics are in the applied areas of statistics and mechanics. One area where I have enjoyed using applied mathematics is using the normal distribution and hypothesis testing, in statistics, to model and predict real world events. A discussion of some specific subject topics like this is a good way to show a real interest in the subject and the more specific one can be the better. It helps to show that the applicant has a genuine enjoyment and knowledge of the subject to which they are applying. I am keen to develop an understanding of how the universe works and the ways with which we attempt to model and predict the goings on within it This is a difficult statement to phrase. I’ve seen it in various forms many times and even attempted to put it in my own statement, but have never yet come across a particularly elegant way of phrasing it. My interest inspired me to take an Open University YASS It’s important to be carul with acronyms, since not everyone will know what they mean. If it is not obvious then it is worth writing out in full and dining it if it is to be used multiple times. course in astronomy. There are some serious grammar issues with this sentence. It was not a sentence since it made no sense in isolation, but was instead dependent on the content of the previous sentence. Although my key interests may be in these areas, a deep passion for pure mathematics still remains. It is because of this that I have spent time researching for personal gain, some topics of number theory such as prime number patterns. This needs to be made relevant to the statement. The reader is lt asking “So what?” Why is the applicant choosing to put this in their statement? Did they gain skills from it? Did it inspire them? This needs to be discussed explicitly.

　　Furthermore, It seems strange to me to begin a paragraph with “furthermore” since each paragraph should be completely separate to what has come bore. It should be on a topic which is different and therore warrants starting a new paragraph. I believe that overcoming a challenge has also been a motive and determining factor in my progression in mathematics. For example, I have enjoyed studying circular motion in mechanics for the challenge it initially confronted me with, as it included new elements not only from not only mathematics, which I had not encountered bore but alsoaspects variety in the wording is always a good idea, since it makes the statement more interesting to read. from my physics course. The content here is good and this is the sort of thing which should be discussed from the outset in the introduction. This has finally begun to explain why this applicant enjoys mathematics and wants to study it further.Another challenge I have overcome has been completing the aforementioned astronomy course, which led to me using and developing my independent learning skills. I felt both fulfilled and enriched by this course, and have found this experience in independent learning a great aid in other areas. Again this has the right idea of what is required. It is great to relate experiences to skills which will make the applicant desirable as a student and it shows good awareness of the both the need for these skills and the benit from the experiences. I do think that it would make far more sense to discuss this when talking about the Open University course in the previous paragraph. Perhaps also there is opportunity to discuss specifically what these “other areas” are.

　　In terms of forts Outside of school, I have read a number of books related to philosophy, such as ‘Why I am not a Christian’ by Bertram Russell, ‘Being and Nothingness’ by Jean-Paul Sartre and ‘The Existence of God’ by Richard Swinburne. These books, although predominantly linked to my philosophy courseThere is an implication here that the applicant may have been required to read these books for their philosophy course which wouldn’t really make them extracurricular activities., contain elements which have extended my understanding of some areas of pure and statistical mathematics. Areas such as what? Again this is quite vague and especially for a Mathematics or Science statement it is important to be precise. Texts such as these have given me experience of higher level academic texts and independent research which will be extremely benicial at university. The applicant seems to believe that you can start a sentence with “Having” without then linking to an “I” mid-sentence which I do not agree with. I also thing that the sentence previously was a little presumptuous in stating that they had proved themselves capable of reading university texts and I would recommend phrasing it slightly differently to suggest that they have “experience” of reading such books without being an expert. This is supposed to be a paragraph on extra-curricular activities and interests outside of school and yet it is still very much academically focused. A personal statement needs to demonstrate that an applicant is a well-rounded individual, ideally with a diverse range of interests and experiences from which they have developed many skills. I think this statement would benit from the addition of a proper section on hobbies and activities outside of school (music, sport etc.) and the transferable skills developed by doing them.

　　To conclude, mathematics is a subject I have revelled in for the majority of my academic life and I look forward to extending my recreational and educational development at university level. The conclusion should summarize the interest of the applicant in the subject and why they are more desirable (implicitly) than those they are competing against. It’s a subtle point but it can be a bad idea to suggest too much desire for recreational pursuits at university as the admissions tutor will be more interested in the academic success. If the applicant can be successful academically and have a wide and diverse range of interests then so much the better.