【双语阅读】盘点文书写作10大常见瑕疵

摘要：每一年，哈佛大学会拒绝80%高中毕业生的申请，被哈佛拒绝的SAT高分学生数以百计，留下申请者和家长们思考哪里出错了。我们没有名校申请宝典，然而对许多学生被拒的原因却非常有把握，这最常见的原因就是不重视申请文书。下面，澳际君将跟大家分享一下十点文书写作常见瑕疵，供广大出国留学的同学们参考。

Each year, Harvard rejects four out of five valedictorians and hundreds of students with perfect sat scores, leaving applicants and parents wondering what went wrong. While there is no secret formula for gaining admission to a top school, there are many ways to ensure rejection, and the most common by far is taking the admissions essay lightly.

每一年，哈佛大学会拒绝80%高中毕业生的申请，被哈佛拒绝的SAT高分学生数以百计，留下申请者和家长们思考哪里出错了。我们没有名校申请宝典，然而对许多学生被拒的原因却非常有把握，这最常见的原因就是不重视申请文书。

Over one-third of the time an admissions officer spends on your application is spent evaluating your essay. Admissions officers use the essay to compare hundreds or even thousands of applicants with similar grades, activities, and SAT scores. To stand out, your essay must not only demonstrate your grasp of grammar and ability to write lucid, structured prose, you must also paint a vivid picture of your personality and character, one that compels a busy admissions officer to accept you.

Fortunately, unlike every other aspect of the application, you control your essay, and can be sure that the glimpse you give the admissions committee into your character, background, and writing ability is the most positive one possible.

大学招生官花在评估你文书的时间超过三分之一。数百甚至数千的申请者们和你有着相似的成绩、活动经历和sat分数，招生官当然就借助文书来筛选。要于千人之中脱颖而出，文书就不能仅是展示你语法掌握得好，行文流畅，而且还要生动地展示你这个人!文如其人，你要在文书中体现自己的性格和品质，让百忙之中的招生官一眼便相中你。

幸运的是，不像其他申请材料那么硬性，文书是可由自己支配的，你能确保你展示给招生官的“一瞥”是最闪亮的一面。

I have written this article to help you avoid the most common essay flaws. If you remember nothing else about this article, remember this: Be Interesting. Be Concise.

下面是十点文书写作常见瑕疵，如果你记不住这篇文章的其他建议，也要记住这四个字：有趣、简洁。

TOP 10 ESSAY WRITING TIPS

文书写作10大建议

1. Don't Thesaurusize Your Essay. Do Use Your Own Voice.

不要言过其实，不要用华丽辞藻堆砌文书，要说自己的话。

Admissions officers can tell Roget from an 18-year-old high school senior. Big words, especially when misused, detract from the essay, inappropriately drawing the reader's attention and making the essay sound contrived.

Bore: Although I did a plethora of activities in high school, my assiduous forts enabled me to succeed.

After: Although I juggled many activities in high school, I succeeded through persistent work..

2. Don't Bore the Reader. Do Be Interesting.

文章有趣才能吸引读者！

Admissions officers have to read hundreds of essays, and they must often skim. Abstract rumination has no place in an application essay. Admissions officers aren't looking for a new way to view the world; they're looking for a new way to view you the applicant. The best way to grip your reader is to begin the essay with a captivating snapshot. Notice how the slightly jarring scene depicted in the "after" creates intrigue and keeps the reader's interest.

Bore: The college admissions and selection process is a very important one, perhaps one that will have the greatest impact on one's future. The college that a person will go to often influences his personality, views, and career.

After: An outside observer would have called the scene ridiculous: a respectable physician holding the bell of his stethoscope to the chest of a small stuffed bear.

3. Do Use Personal Detail. Show, Don't Tell!

给招生官来一场“秀”。

Good essays are concrete and grounded in personal detail. They do not merely assert "I learned my lesson" or that "these lessons are usul both on and off the field." They show it through personal detail. "Show don't tell," means if you want to relate a personal quality, do so through your experiences and do not merely assert it.

Bore: I developed a new compassion for the disabled.

After: The next time Mrs. Cooper asked me to help her across the street, I smiled and immediately took her arm.

The first example is vague and could have been written by anybody. But the second sentence evokes a vivid image of something that actually happened, placing the reader in the experience of the applicant.

4. Do Be Concise. Don't Be Wordy.

文章要简洁，忌啰嗦！

Wordiness not only takes up valuable space, but it also can confuse the important ideas you're trying to convey. Short sentences are more forcul because they are direct and to the point. Certain phrases such as "the fact that" are usually unnecessary. Notice how the revised version focuses on active verbs rather than forms of "to be" and adverbs and adjectives.

Bore: My recognition of the fact that the project was finally over was a deeply satisfying moment that will forever linger in my memory.

After: Completing the project at last gave me an enduring sense of fulfillment.

5. Don't Use Slang, Yo!

不要使用俚语。

Write an essay, not an email. Slang terms, clichés, contractions, and an excessively casual tone should be eliminated. Here's one example of inappropriately colloquial language.

Well here I am thinking about what makes me tick. You would be surprised. What really gets my goat is when kids disrespect the flag. My father was in 'Nam and I know how important the military is to this great nation.

6. Do Vary Your Sentences and Use Transitions.

用好连词，使文章错落有致。

The best essays contain a variety of sentence lengths mixed within any given paragraph. Also, remember that transition is not limited to words like nevertheless, furthermore or consequently. Good transition flows from the natural thought progression of your argument.

Bore: I started playing piano when I was eight years old. I worked hard to learn difficult pieces. I began to love music.

After: I started playing the piano at the age of eight. As I learned to play more difficult pieces, my appreciation for music deepened.

7. Do Use Active Voice Verbs.

用主动语态

Passive-voice expressions are verb phrases in which the subject receives the action expressed in the verb. Passive voice employs a form of the verb to be, such as was or were. Overuse of the passive voice makes prose seem flat and uninteresting.

过度使用被动语态会使文章平淡乏味，这和被动语态的性质有关，童鞋们可要学好咯。

Bore: The lessons that prepared me for college were taught to me by my mother.

After: My mother taught me lessons that will prepare me for college.

8. Do Seek Multiple Opinions.

多咨询他人的意见(三人行，必有我师焉)

Ask your friends and family to keep these questions in mind:

向亲朋好友咨询下列问：

Have I answered the question?

回答问题了吗？

Does my introduction engage the reader? Does my conclusion provide closure?

开头吸引读者吗?结尾说清楚论点了吗？

Do I use concrete experiences as supporting details?

论据有力吗？

Is my sentence structure varied, or do I use all long or short sentences?

句子结构多样化吗?抑或只是单一的长句或短句？

Are there any clich such as cutting edge or learned my lesson?

有诸如“我学到一课”这样的陈词滥调吗？

Do I use transitions appropriately?

连接词使用正确吗？

What about the essay is memorable?

文章诵读性怎样？

What's the worst part of the essay?

文书中最不好的部分是什么？

What parts of the essay need elaboration or are unclear?

文书哪些部分需要详细阐述或还不清晰？

What parts of the essay do not support my main argument?

文书哪些部分不支持我的主要观点？

Is every single sentence crucial to the essay? This must be the case.

每一独立段落对文章都很重要吗？

What does the essay reveal about my personality?

这篇文书展示了我什么个性？

9. Do Answer the Question.

Many students try to turn a 500-word essay into a complete autobiography. Not surprisingly, they fail to answer the question and risk their chances of attending college. Make sure that every sentence in your essay exists solely to answer the question.

许多学生把500字的作文写出了自传，这显然对录取不利。

10. Do Revise, Revise, Revise.

The first step in an improving any essay is to cut, cut, and cut some more.

润色，润色，再润色：给文书润色的第一步就是大刀阔斧地删减，给文章瘦身，使文章简洁有力。