名师名嘴荟萃一堂 中美名师是这样讲课的

摘要：近日，中国文化论坛联手高校举办中外经典研读的通识课程，名师名嘴荟萃一堂，自然妙语连珠，精彩纷呈。而Facebook上也有一个专门收录多大教授语录的帐号，这些经典而诙谐的话语受到广大学生的点赞。下面小编整理了24条条热门语录，小伙伴们书看累了，来开心一下吧！

7月10到15日，由中国文化论坛与北京大学、清华大学、复旦大学、中山大学四校联合举办的第七届通识教育核心课程暑期讲习班开课。李猛、丁耘、杨立华、吴增定、吴飞等来自北京大学和复旦大学的哲学名师聚集北大，与学生一起研读中外经典文本，探讨通识教育要义。名师名嘴荟萃一堂，自然妙语连珠，精彩纷呈。

例如，杨立华先生是这样说的：

如果一切都来源于一个根源性的否定力量，那么为什么恰恰把瓶子否定成这样，把黑板擦否定成那样，把我们每个人都否定成现在这个样子。我也感到很郁闷，要是我可以选择，把我否定成梁朝伟多好啊。

课堂上挥洒自如的吴增定，想到啥就说啥，而且还令人毫无反驳之力：

霍布斯说，战争状态不止表现为行动，更表现为意图。无论别人跟你说的多好，你都不信，需要白纸黑字地签合同。一个女孩会跟一个男孩说，你天天说多爱我，但就不愿意跟我结婚，我怎么能信呢。山盟海誓有什么用，明天就变了嘛。如果结婚，就会有民政局白纸黑字的契约，至少短时间你是逃不掉了。这就是霍布斯的逻辑：国家为人与人之间基本的信任提供了一个担保。

吴飞老师的最后发言让人忍俊不禁：

前面几位老师都非常精彩。用《中庸》里的几句话说，杨立华老师是极高明，吴增定老师是道中庸，丁耘老师是致广大，李猛老师是尽精微。这几点我都做不到，但是我想通过对《政治学》和《大学》的一些解读，穿起他们所讲的古今中西的几个文本，争取能够有一个总结和诠释的效果。如果用前边吴增定老师的说法，他们四个都是耶稣基督，是《四福音书》里的耶稣基督，现在四个耶稣都已经上了十字架，应该是保罗来做诠释了。

说完了国内名师，再来看看美国大学教授都是如何授课的。甚至，他们的课堂更自（dou）如（bi)哦！

1. “I don‘t have office hours， the door is always locked. If it’s open please shut it.”

我没有办公时间，要是门不小心开了的话，请帮我关上；

“”You can ask for help from your friends so I don‘t have to pay for so many TAs.”

有问题找朋友，给我省点TA的钱。

—— Prof. Benhabib MIE231

2. “If you are failing this course， cheat on the final exam. I will find out and give you zero in the course. A zero is better than say 30% because it looks like something happened in your life， not that you attempted the course but failed by 20%”

感觉过不了这门课的话，期末考作弊吧。我会给你零分，比30分好，起码你的人生中发生了点什么，而不是拼死拼活的还是挂了。

—— Prof Jung MAT235

3. “Parentheses are the condoms of mathematics - if you don’t practice safe mathematics you will have problems”

括弧是数学的安全套—如果你没安全操作的话，是会出问题的。

—— Prof. Tyler Holden MAT137

4. “There are no stupid questions...only stupid answers like the ones you put on your midterm.”

没有愚蠢的问题，只有愚蠢的答案，就像你们期中答的那样。

—— Prof. Shobhit Jain CSC180

5. “If you come out ofthe exam and say， ‘Wow that exam was hard！’ I will follow you home and kill youand your whole family.”

如果你考完了说“好难呀”，那我会跟踪你然后杀了你全家。

——Prof. Furlong ECO100

6. “I had a professor that made us calculate some hard equations when I was in school. Fortunately- I mean unfortunately！ He is no longer with us， may he rest in peace！”

我以前有个教授整天要学生算难题。幸亏他不在了，愿他安息......

—— Prof. Lam MAT136

7. “So you can see that the average GPA at Brown is almost a 3.7. You would have to take at least 5 or6 different drugs to even be able to IMAGINE that being the case at U of T.”

你们看到布朗大学平均 GPA3.7了吧。想要在多大发生这种事，伙计，回去再喝点药吧。

—— Dr. MurdockECO220

8. “By now you‘ve gottenused to me. How are you going to live without me？”

你们已经习惯有我，没我怎么生活？

—— Prof. Tepperman SOC103

9. During a clicker question：“This is the first year where no one chose B. Oh wait there’s one. Someone had to be that asshole.”

课上大家用clicker做题教授说“第一次没人选B诶。等一下！总有个混蛋要选”

—— Prof. Yip BIO130

10. “Biology experiments always smell bad. Chemistry experiments always explode. And physics experiments never work”

我们来总结一下，生物实验那酸爽，化学实验永远炸不停，物理实验从未成功......

——Prof.Harlow PHY132

11. (After student apologizes for not finding the classroom on time) “No No， don‘t worry. We don’t make anything easy for you here at U of T， if you wanted everything to be easy youwould have gone to York.”

(学生找不到教室迟到了)“没事没事，你要知道一入多大深似海；如果想轻轻松松，呵呵，你现在应该在约克了。”

—— Prof. Bartlett VIC240

12. “I honestly don‘tknow what time I’ll have office hours on Friday. It depends on when I wake up and I plan on getting drunk Thursday night.”

实话告诉你们吧！我真不知道礼拜五啥时候在办公室。这取决于我什么时候醒还有礼拜四晚上是不是喝断片...

—— Prof. Pitt STA247

13. We will make a deal： if you laugh at my jokes， I won’t laugh at your exam answers.

做笔交易吧，你们配合我的笑话，我就不嘲笑你们的考试结果哈哈哈哈哈哈

—— Prof. Smyth HIS 103

14. “Now for my strong acid rule of thumb： if you put your thumb in it， pull it out， and there‘s noskin lt， then it’s a strong acid.”

给你们讲个强酸的拇指鉴定法：你把拇指放进去皮没了那这就是强酸。

—— Prof. Winnik CHM325

15. “At the top of yourquiz， please include your name and your prison number.”

在quiz上写上你的名字和监狱号......

—— Prof. Ronald Soong CHMC11

16. Prof： “What‘s the difference between me and a priest？ No seriously what is it？” Student：“You have no soul.” *Con Hall goes wild & Professor Kopsteinwalks away*

教授说：“我和神父的区别在哪里？到底是什么？”学生：“你没心”教授直接走了。。。

—— Prof.Kopstein POL101Y1

17. “Welcome to Dence Against the Dark Arts”

欢迎加入我们黑魔法防御课

—— Prof. Jurgensen POL114

18. “Who here is retaking this course？” *no one raises their hand* “Good， becauseI recycle my jokes every year.”

在座的谁是重修这门课的？(没人举手)很好，我每年讲的玩笑都一样

—— Dr.Kee PSL300

19. “That’s youranswer...but it‘s not mine.”

这是你的答案。。。well不是我的

—— Dr. Yang BIO374

20. “See， there’s a difference between ‘I like him’ and ‘I like him，like him.’ ‘I like him’ is more like， ‘Oh， I’d have lunch with him，‘ while ’I like him， like him‘ is like， ’I want him to see me in the shower.”

“I like him”和“I like him， like him.”是有区别的。“I like him”就像我想跟他吃饭 “I like him， like him.”就像我想他看我洗澡。

—— Dr. Kee PSL300

21. “The chances of 2 people choosing the same 9 digit random number is 1-in-a-billion.The chances of 3 people choosing the same 9 digit random number is plagiarism.”

两个人排出一样的九位数字概率是十亿分之一；三个人的话，概率是作弊...

—— Prof. Gibson ECE568

22. “Well I have two kids， so I had fun twice.”

我有俩孩子，所以嗨了两次。

——Dr.Kee PSL300

23. “You‘re water， I’m water， let‘s get together and get wet.”

你是水，我也是水，让我们一起变湿吧！

—— Prof. Donaldson CHMA11

24. “How many Yorks tudents does it take to change a light bulb？ None. The York campus looks better in the dark anyway.” “How many Queens students does it take to change a light bulb？ Onlyone. And they won’t change it， they‘ll hold it up andwait for the world to start revolving around them.”

“要多少York学生才能换个灯泡” “不需要，反正约克晚上更美好” “那要多少Queens大学的学生才能换个灯泡？” “一个。他们会守着那个灯泡等全世界绕着它转”。

—— Prof D. Smyth HIS103

看来平时一本正经的Prof也有如此亲(dou)和(bi)的一面，没准你以后也会碰上一个！嗯，赶紧把申请材料准备起来吧！