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雅思写作:文章开头忌空洞冗长

刚刚更新 编辑: 浏览次数:44 移动端

在雅思写作教学过程中,经常碰到学员在写作大作文的开头的时候废话连篇,长度爆长,句子恶心,基本都属于见光死开头,也就是说文章开头如果这么写的话,基本就被划到5分或以下的档次了。比如:

雅思写作开头之见光死:

With the development of society and economy, more and more children spendmore and more time on computer playing more and more. Some people who arestrongly against it think that it has negative fects on them both physicallyand mentally. In my opinion, I think that children should not play computer,they need choose other games.

名师讲解雅思写作开头:

这就是传说中的见光死开头!首段又臭又长,不是说不能写长,而是空有长度,没有内容,考官看完会直接傻掉。很多同学喜欢写with thedevelopment of society and economy这样的开头,其实写过作文的人就知道,这是典型的中式思维模式在作怪。英国人的思维方式和我们不同,他们重视细节,讲究单刀直入,所以开头的废话连篇会直接让考官感到反感,恶心,进而影响整篇文章的分数。还有那个经典的moreand more,重复太多明显缺乏词汇量。

开头不能这么写。而是如下:

雅思写作开头范例:

I tend to agree that young children can be negatively affected by too muchtime spent on the computer every day. This is partly because sitting in front ofa screen for too long can be damaging to both the eyes and the physical postureof a young child, regardless of what they are using the computer for.

名师讲解雅思写作开头:

这个开头就非常符合英国人的口味,不但开头没有任何废话和空洞的内容,相反,句子充满务实,具体的风格,而且,开头的最后一句话是对中间段落的一点提示,有过渡的作用。

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