淡化痕迹，把模板变成自己的作文

一、分析

真题链接：In some countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Somepeople regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuablework experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss bothviews and give your opinion.

以上是剑桥中的考试真题，相信大家都已经非常熟悉了。我们就一起结合此题，对双边结构的整体文章结构和遣词造句做一个简单的对比。

1.引言段

引言段是通篇作文的开篇之作，对于它的写法多种多样。但是无论怎样书写，切忌出现以下模式性的语句样式：

模板语言：

Nowadays, the discussion about ……is a very controversial one. Those whocriticize……. argue that……, but people who advocate……, on the other hand,maintain that……

这样的模板相信大家不会陌生，它曾经受到无数考生的青睐。但是我们说过，这样过于机械的语言，很难体现出考生对考题文字的理解，更为糟糕的是，你的开头有可能和无数人是重复的!

下面我们就做一个简单的对比：

非模板语言：

No matter in which country, children are, without any exception, regardedas the protected in society, not to mention making them involved in any forms ofpaid-work(调用背景知识，引出话题).The necessity of allowing them to make money with theirown hands is indeed worth discussing(结合对考题文字的统一转换，自然流露双边讨论倾向)

2.主体段

模板语言：

1. The benits of…… can be perceived in many aspects.

In the first place, 分论点一. For instance, 例证 / 语言论证。In the second place,分论点二. 论证.

2. However, ……has also given rise to a lot of problems.

For one thing,……For another……, Finally,……

在传统的模板里，双边结构的主体段只是简单地分段论证两方面的观点，虽然将两种对立观点展现的非常清晰，但是也难免落入模式化的俗套。

做一个简单的对比：

非模板语言：

a.让步分析

Admittedly, hardship and bitterness of life could drive people to becomemature. Under working pressure, children think about finishing their tasksbore the deadline instead of concerning how to kill their seemingly limitlessfree time. Work may be the only priority of their life. It is fairly differentbetween taking a dollar from their parents and earning one by themselves. Onlythe tough reality can force them to get rid of selfishness and dependence ontheir parents, which is exactly one of the most urgently needed cures inparental education.

双边结构的一个重要特点就是双边论证两种观点，在这篇文章里可以先让步论证一个观点，这样可以为后一个观点的论证提供很好的对比。

b.转折过渡+提出观点

However, everything is mixed blessing. Employing children to work should beviewed as a harsh treatment and abuse to them. Kids, after all, unlike adults,are immature both physically and psychologically. They are extremely vulnerableto both occupational hazards and social evils. More importantly, children are atthe golden age for learning not only due to their brain structure but also theircuriosity and desire for knowledge. It goes without saying that the silly actionpermitting children to work for financial reasons is ridiculous.

双边结构的第二段要论述对立面的观点，但是不同于上一段的是，此段不仅要充分的客观陈述一种观点同时还要带有观点倾向，因为要完成文章的第二个任务---提出自己的观点。笔者认为这样的观点提法比较自然，不需要另起一段提出而显得比较呆板。

3.结尾段

模板语言：

In the final analysis, I concede that to some extent whether the ultimatect of phenomena is good or not, one thing is certain that phenomenon initself is neither good nor bad. And it is the uses to which it is put thatdetermine its value to society. I am convinced that___________.

做一个简单的对比：

非模板语言：

In conclusion, although there lies various excuses for letting the youngchildren work for salary, it is pointless that this way could benit them interms of accumulating work experience and learning the meaning ofresponsibility. (自然流露观点倾向)

作为双边结构作文的结尾，需要总结全文，即主体段两段的大意，同时要结合题目本身的特点提出鲜明的个人观点。

二、总结

和上篇文章一样，衷心建议各位考生：不要盲目追求所谓模板，要注重灵活度。笔者认为，中国考生写作得分低，除了语法这个大问题以外，其实一味背诵模板甚至随处套用所谓“万能模板”是丢分的一大原因。写作的最高境界就是把各种连接化于无形，实现语义的自然衔接。考生必须根据考题的要求，调用自己原有的语言配上正确的语法，使作文具有鲜明的个人特色，侃侃而谈。在考场中，拉近与考官的距离而不是设置一道冷冰冰的“模板墙”。