你的雅思小作文在考官心里其实是这样的

在执教雅思写作的这些年中，我会发现，很多时候学生会从某某老师那里获取种种所谓的“黄金模板”，又或者是高举考前必备一本，视若雅思界的圣经。而不去管什么“碰文”。而最最难过的却是分数不给力，换个方式学吧，看看隔壁的“他”的作文中那些错误的背后是否隐藏了写作的某些玄机。

请看下面这个小作文的开头段，看似行文流水，实则欲哭无泪。

As can be seen from the table chart, it gives us the percentage of national consumer experience by category in 2002 in five different countries.

谈及套句，小作文中“As can be seen from…”曾被列为小作文必备佳句，而孰不知此句虽好，但native speaker常把它放在主体段落开头句。若论行文习惯，实在勉强。

再者，“tablechart”必会让考官在批卷的疲劳中会心一笑。但是烤鸭们，不知啊，你让他笑，他却让你人比黄花瘦，尽管他是那样的爱你。此短语翻译成中文叫“表格图”，考生自是觉得挺有中国风的感觉。但考官会认为是“这table就是表格，也就是图的一种，还后面要是再加一chart，再来一图。实为“blacksheep 一族”啊!南部陈更要翻译成“表格图图”?实在是具有喜感啊!再论“us”一词，感觉倒是亲民派系， 考官考生一家人啊。

但是，雅思写作，半学术文体，这词总有点较为随意。所以，宁为被动，隐去施动者，换成it can be seen ,或是it representsthat等句，或许会更好点。考生最无辜的地方就是下面的这个percentage。我们都知道，衣服表格不可能只有全图一个数据，又怎会遗忘名词单复数的问题呢?

最后那个“in 2002 in five differentcountries”，感觉起来好似是信息满满，不知道是否也是信心满满?语法老师告诉我们：当句子中同时有地点状语和时间状语时,一般要把地点状语放在时间状语之前。要知道，不走寻常路，那是考官的作风。考生要是也这样做，哭泣大于微笑。

基于上述段落的分析，不知道同学们是否也会有所收获?其实开头段，自是不必非得写的那叫一个倾国倾城。简单大方，信息全面，能够统领全文，那就最好。你，懂得了吗?

再看一篇问题作文。

People have, in recent years, shown concern on the dire consequences ofglobal warming and air pollution. Some people suggest that we should limit aretravel (traveling) instead of car use. It seems to me that the objection againstair travel is based on incorrect facts and stereotypes. (The) Vehicle is anintegral segment of urban industrial civilization, mirroring contemporary life,in its best and unrest aspects.

Just as machinery is integral to industrialization, air is central to worldeconomy. (有逻辑关系吗?)Air travels make it possible for people to move around theworld freely and quickly.

Today, the tips can be completed in a matter of hours. One can attend ameeting in Pairs and dinner in New York the same day. There is a growingrecognition that air travels have several advantages,while(连接词使用有误，改成meanwhile)it can (补上主语) ensures(删掉s)the growth of modernbusiness such as international tourism, transportation and express delivery,etc.

Therore, limiting air travel itself is a grave mistake，that(非限定从句引导词改成which)would be a severe blow to these industries and may evendamage world economy.