什么样的文书能打动名校的录取老师？

一年一度申请季，一年一度ESSAY季。

对于已经TOEFL,SATI READY，SATII无悬念待考的同学们来说，现在抑或纠结在文书的选材上吧~究竟我的哪段经历可圈可点，可以让录取评审老师侧目？我这么多获奖证书， 我该拿哪张展示啊？究竟哪个特长可以特别说明？我有那么多的想法，那么多的话要说，我究竟该说些什么？我要都说吗？录取老师能懂我么？能知道我的特别吗？ 他们能看到吗？能感受到么？我有好多特长耶，到底哪个特长能吸引眼球？我没有什么特长哦，可是我想法多着哩，我该怎么办？我是特招生哦，我是重点班的哦， 我是重点学校的耶，我很厉害的~我要说我是最好的，你们不选我，就是你们的损失啦。。。。。同学们，你们是不是也曾这样的困惑着呢？

下面，我想特别选择约翰霍普金斯大学本科录取ESSAY实例，来给同学们分析一下，什么样的文书能够让录取老师心动，成功获得青睐，获得录取呢？

原文如下：

Kathryn B.

Hometown:Austin, Texas

Intended majors:International Studies and East Asian Studies （国际关系/东亚文化)

Enmusubi 日文：缘の结

Hardly a day went by in Japan whenI wasn't asked by a curious and wide-eyed Japanese person, "How many guns do you own?" This was almost never preceded by the question"Do you own a gun?" Being from Texas, it was simply assumed that I was an experienced gunslinger.

（Kiko Huang 点评）

我想这个问题也是很多中国家长想问的吧？只要美国一出现枪击事件，大家都觉得美国人人手一把枪，这图景多恐怖。不过这一点今年的美国是有点不争气，PEACE 啊PEACE。Hardly a day went by in Japan whenI wasn't asked by a curious and wide-eyed Japanese person首句很妙。被问的人反而木有惊讶，很淡定！！GOODIE GOODIE~美国每发生枪击案，全体美国人就被幻想人手一支枪；如果美国每发生盗窃案，全体美国人就会被幻想成贼~这还蛮夸张的啦~此处不延展，大家懂的~开头就很引人入胜！

Of course, I wasguiltyof false assumptions as well. After 4 years of Japanese, I thought I knew something about Japan. My Japanese teacher praised me for my control of the Japanese language, I had memorized the words to songs by popular Japanese bands, and I could recite the crime rates of the 10 most populated cities in Japan. When I found out I would be spending 6 weeks going to Japanese school and living with a Japanese family in Japanon a full scholarship through Youth for Understanding, my head instantly filled with images of what I had assumed life in Japan to be like. I imagined myself walking the streets of a shiny, Tokyo-esque metropolis in my adorable sailor-style school uniform with my new Japanese friends who did nothing but sing karaoke and love Pokemon.But preconceptions often lead to misconceptions.It was not until my plane, occupied by all of nine people (including the flight attendants) landed at one of only two gates at Izumo Airport, a lone building surrounded by nothing but rice paddies, thatI realized I could no longer base anything on assumption.

（Kiko Huang 点评）

GUILTY 任何人听到这样的问话都会感到诧异，这位学生感到内疚。为什么呢？行文中，她以为4年的日文学习，对于日本流行乐队的歌词记忆，对于日本十大城市犯罪率的数据记忆就能证明她对这个国家的文化就会有十足的了解了吗？事实如此吗？on a full scholarship through Youth for Understanding不留声色的点出自己此行的来由和自己的优秀，全奖来的嘛~But preconceptions often lead to misconceptions.我以为会是这样的，会是那样的，这句话是核心句啦~I realized I could no longer base anything on assumption.我决定放弃猜想，此处不是指巴尔扎赫猜想啦，我决定不要通过臆想去做出判断，因为这样的判断通常是不靠谱的~务实的孩子啊~

Izumo Airport is just a short drive from Matsue, Shimane, Japan. The capital city of Shimane precture, Matsue resides in the second most rural precture in Japan, something I discovered when the initial googling of Matsue yielded little more than a nondescript three-paragraph Wikipedia article. I knew I would have to adjust quite a bit to life in rural Matsue,but I welcomed that challenge with open arms.I wanted to experience the real Japan, I wanted to live it as much as I could in my two months there, so I made every fort to accept whatever cultural differences were thrown at me, I made every fort toblend.

（Kiko Huang 点评）

but I welcomed that challenge with open arms.多么好的素养，迎难而上了~ 最后一词BLEND用的妙！！

This was no easy task. After a few weeks, I had eaten fermented soybeans, bathed in public bathhouses, and tried to comprehend my biology class through the language barrier. I had stopped converting prices into dollars from yen, it no longer felt unnatural to bow, and I had dreams in Japanese. But despite my forts, it often seemed as if Matsue was acutely aware that a certain foreigner had quietly tried to sneak her way into the city. I was interviewed for television programs, stared at, photographed, and bombarded with questions by nearly every person I met, many of whom had never spoken with an American bore, and most of whom were surprised to find out that I hadn't burst through customs on a cow.Stereotypes were entertaining, even hilarious, untilone day, when I asked my host mother, or "okaasan" as I called her, if she would ever let her children come to America.

"America is far too dangerous—I can't let my kids go there."

（Kiko Huang 点评）

我竭尽全力来适应日本的生活，Stereotypes were entertaining, even hilarious-思维定势很有趣直到一天，我对此的看法改变了。。。。。