2017年申请耶鲁大学Essay范文赏析：跑步中的感悟

下面的这篇作文是一篇极为优秀的范文，作者为 Lanren A Hackney，被耶鲁大学，麻省理工学院和波士顿学院同时录取。

Essay申请文书原文如下：

I'M GOING RUNNING TODAY. I am not concerned about my calorie consumption for the day, nor am I anxious to get in shape for the winter season. I just want to go running。

今天我要去跑步。我不是担心这天的卡路里没有消耗完，也不是期待在冬季保持自己的身材，我只是很单纯地想跑步。

I used to dislike running. If you don't win this game, you're all running five miles tomorrow, the field hockey coach used to warn, during those last days of October when the average temperature seemed to be decreasing exponentially. And so, occasionally, my gri-stricken team would run numerous miserable laps around the fields. At the end of these excursions, our faces and limbs would be numb, and we would all have developed those notorious flu-like symptoms; but the running made us better in the long run, I suppose. Nevertheless, I counted down the days until the end of the field hockey season, vowing never to put on a pair of running shoes again. Then I surprised myself by signing up for outdoor track in the second half of sophomore year. I was foolish to have believed that I could ever escape this insidious and magnetic addiction。

我以前不喜欢跑步。 如果你们输了这次比赛，明天你们通通给我跑5英里(1英里约合1609米)， 我的曲棍球教练过去总是这样警告我们。那是在十月下旬，天气好像一下子变得寒冷起来。于是，在偶尔输了比赛的时候，我们这支极度悲伤的队伍围着运动场地一圈一圈痛苦地跑。跑到最后，我们的脸和手脚几乎都麻木了，每个人的症状像是了感冒。我知道从长远角度上想，跑步对我们是有好处的。尽管如此，我依然度日如年，倒数着离曲棍球赛季结束还有几天，深恶痛绝地发誓再也不会穿上跑鞋。然后，连我自己也奇怪，10年级下学期的时候，我又报名参加了室外径赛队。我傻乎乎地以为我本可逃脱跑步，殊不知，对跑步的爱已悄然生根发芽，跑步就像磁石吸引着我。

Anyone would have thought that I'd be off the team in a few days, but the last week of January caught me splashing through puddles of melted ice, and February winds nearly blew me off the track. I looked forward to practices this time around, to the claps and the persistent cheers of my fellow trackies. I was feeling a runner's high spurred by the endorphins released by exercise. But to attribute my affinity for running solely to chemistry diminishes the personal importance that running has for me。

许多人都以为几天后我就会脱离径赛队，但他们看见，我一月份在跑，穿过冰雪消融后的水坑，水花飞溅;我二月份在跑，迎着呼呼大风前进。我期待在这个时节锻炼，以回应同伴队友的喝彩和鼓励。锻炼过后体内释放出的内啡肽让我尝到 跑步人的快感 ，但仅仅把我对跑步的痴迷归功于化学物就削弱了跑步对我个人的重要性。

I like running in the cool shade of the towering oak trees, and in the warm sunlight spilling over the horizon, and in the drops of rain falling gently from the clouds. Certain things become clear to me when I'm running only while running did I realize that hippopotami is possibly the funniest word in the English language, and only while running did I realize that the travel section of The York Times does not necessarily provide an accurate depiction of the entire world. Running lends me precious moments to contemplate my life: while running I find time to dream about changing the world, to think about recent death of a classmate, or to wonder about the secret to college admission

我喜欢跑步。我喜欢跑步，在高耸的橡树树荫下;我喜欢跑步，在初升的温暖阳光里;我喜欢跑步，在轻轻落下的雨滴中。有些事情我只有在跑步时候才能想明白。例如，只有在跑步当中，我才会想到 hippopotami(河马) 这个词是英文中最滑稽的单词;只有在跑步当中，我才想到《纽约时报》的旅游栏目对整个世界的描述并不一定准确。跑步给了思考人生的宝贵时刻：跑步时，我有时间去梦想改变世界，去缅怀最近过世的同学，或者去猜想大学招生的诀窍。

Running is the awareness of hurdles between me and the finish line; running is the desire to overcome them. Running is putting up with aches and pains, relishing the knowledge that, in the end, I will have built strength and endurance. Running is the instant clarity of vision with which I can see my future just one hundred yards in the distance; it is the understanding that these crucial steps will determine victory or deat。

跑步，它让我意识到我离终点还有多少障碍要克服;克服这些障碍，唯有跑步。跑步是忍受苦痛，获得新的体会：最后，我一定能练就坚韧的毅力和耐力。跑步之时，我清晰地看到我的未来就在前方百米处， 跑步让我明白那些关键的步子能决定成败。

Running is not the most important thing in the world to me, but it is what fulfills me when time permits. And right now, bore the sun goes down, I like to take advantage of the road that lies ahead。

跑步对我不是最重要的事，但只要时间允许，我就会去跑步，它让我感到充实。现在，日落之前，我想利用前方这条路跑一程。

点评：

这篇作文的题目是关于课外体育活动。利用跑步锻炼这个题材，作者阐述了自己对人生现实的认知，充满了积极向上的期待。

美国的大学教育是普通教育，培养有一技之长、对社会有用并且能适应社会的人。现实社会，不可避免会有很多不公平的地方，要成功，需要有顽强的心理素质。名牌大学对学生未来的发展期望很高，对学生承受压力、正视挫折的能力非常看重。很多大学的命题作文直接或间接地考察学生面对人生逆境的表现;而一个聪明的学生也会利用机会展示自己面对挑战的勇气和进取心。

在这篇作文里，作者开始就提到了自己早年在曲棍球队的经历：一个粗暴有虐待倾向的教练和惩罚性的长跑。尽管心里很不乐意，作者并没有放弃，反而以一种适应的态度去对待并最终迷上了这项运动。径赛队同伴的鼓励，让我们看到了作者珍惜友爱和社会的温情;作者的感悟，让我们既看到了作者走向社会的心理准备，又充满了积极的人生向往。一般的作文要求500单词左右，这篇文章共503单词，在有限的空间，包含了磨难，毅力，关怀，理解，憧憬。全文词汇优雅丰富，修辞巧妙，用了很多排比句，画面感非常强，感染力也非常强。在具体写作技巧上，有二点值得一提：

1. 使用了不少科学词汇，如指数般(exponentially)，内啡肽(endorphin)，爱好(affinity)，这些词汇的应用显然有利于叩击麻省理工学院的大门。

2. 巧妙甚至狡猾地使用了幽默。幽默是个双刃剑，往往容易弄巧成拙，一般人在作文里会尽量避免。然而，作者却大胆地调侃道：跑步时，会去猜想大学招生的秘密 --这简直是在向正在阅读此作文的招生人员叫阵!但是，说这句话的时候，招生的人应该已经为其经历和毅力所触动，而且前面谈到河马单词，已经把作文的节奏调得轻松，这句话会让招生人员会心一笑，拉近了彼此的距离。而随后梦幻般的紧凑道白，为这篇作文留下了非常美妙的收尾。

再顺便猜测一下，由文中第一段保持身材可以看出作者是个女孩。文中用词也显女孩的灵气：I like running in the cool shade of the towering oak trees, and in the warm sunlight spilling over the horizon, and in the drops of rain falling gently from the clouds.而 hippopotami(河马) 一词则显女孩的生动俏皮。

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