2017年两个笨贼等６则

帮助希望计划出国留学者实现他们的出国深造梦想

两个笨贼

两个盗贼在一家旅馆偷东西。第一个说：“我听到警报响了，快跳吧！”
第二个说：“但是我们现在在第13层啊！”第一个尖叫着回敬他：“都什么时候了，还这么迷信！”
Very Stupid Robbers
Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"
The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"
The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"

对不起，本店不找零钱

我和一个朋友在快餐店排队订餐，那里很醒目地写着，不接受超过20美元的大钞（请自备零钱）。
我们前边的一个女士指着这个牌子对我们说：“上帝保佑，如果我身上有超过20美元的话，我一定不会在这儿吃饭！”
Sorry, No Change in This Store
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."
The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I had a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."


区 别

“研究生班和本科生班很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福尼亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。“我说‘下午好’，本科生们回答说‘下午好’。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。”
Difference
"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say,' Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon.' But the graduate students just write it down."

死后重生

“你相信人死后仍有生命吗？”老板问他的一个员工。
“是的，先生。”这个新员工回答说。
“哦，那么，这样说来一切就很正常了，”老板继续说，“在你今早离开去参加你奶奶的葬礼时，她来看你了。”
Life After Death
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you lt early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

那就更糟了

警察:有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？
男子:要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了！
Much Worse
Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?
Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.


送给女友的礼物

在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。
那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不!在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”
Present for Girlfriend
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it 'To my one and only love'. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."