2017年卖扫帚的人和理发师　等

帮助希望计划出国留学者实现他们的出国深造梦想

卖扫帚的人和理发师
一个卖扫帚的人去一家理发店修面，理发师向他买了一把扫帚，当理发师给他修完面后,问了一下扫帚的价钱。
卖扫帚的人说:“两便士。”
“不,不，”理发师说,“我只出一便士。如果你认为不够的话,可以把扫帚拿回去。”
卖扫帚的人取回了扫帚,随后问修面要付多少钱。
“一便士。”理发师说。
卖扫帚的人说:“我只能给你半个便士,如果你认为不够的话,你可以把胡子再替我装上。”
Broom-seller and Hairdresser
A man who sold brooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved. The barber bought one of his brooms, and, when he had shaved him, asked for the price of it.
"Two pence,"said the man.
"No, no, "said the barber, "I will give you a penny, and if you do not think that enough, you may take your broom again."
The man took it, and asked what he had to pay for his shave.
"A penny."said the barber.
"I will give you a half-penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again."

吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢?”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧?”吝啬鬼回答。
The Mean Man's Party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to thifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot? "
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you? "

谁是最懒的人
父亲:哎，汤姆，今天我跟你们老师谈过，现在我想问你个问题。你们班上谁最懒？
汤姆:我不知道，爸爸。
父亲:啊，不对，你知道！想想看，当别的孩子们都在做作业、写字时，谁在课堂上坐着，只是看人家做功课?
汤姆:我们老师，爸爸。
Who Is the Laziest?
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing,who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.

我根本就看不见
晚饭后，父亲和母亲都忙着和客人玩麻将，这时母亲忽然想起点儿事来，便对正在看电视的儿子说道:“宝贝，去看看厨房里的灯是不是还开着呢?” 过了一会儿，儿子回来说:“妈，厨房里太黑了，我根本就看不见。”
I Can't See It at All
After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV, "Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?" After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."

欺骗的代价
老农约翰逊就要死了。他的家人都站在床边。他声音低沉地对妻子说:“我死后，我想你嫁给农夫琼斯。”
妻子说:“不，在你死后，我不能嫁给任何人。”
约翰逊:“但我希望你这么做。”
妻子:“为什么?”
约翰逊:“因为琼斯曾在一笔贩马的交易中欺骗了我。”
The Revenge
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones."
Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you."
Johnson: "But I want you to."
Wife: "But why?"
Johnson: "Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!"